The 2018 Oscars are taking place after a deluge of sexual assault allegations shook Hollywood, and Kimmel deftly tackled that subject while nodding to the Academy Awards' big 90th anniversary. "Oscar is the most beloved and respected man in Hollywood, and there's a reason why – just look at him," Kimmel said, pointing to a giant version of the famed trophy. "Hands where you can see them, never says a rude word, and most importantly, no penis at all. He is literally a statue of limitations – and that's the kind of men we need more of in this town."
Throughout his monologue, Kimmel unspooled jokes that tackled the movie industry's various shortcomings. Of the massive success of Black Panther and Wonder Woman, he quipped: "I remember a time when the major studios didn't believe a woman or a minority could open a super hero movie – and the reason I remember that time was because it was March of last year." Later, he brought up the massive gap in pay between Mark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams when the two were tapped to reshoot All the Money in the World. "What made it especially unfair is that Mark and Michelle are represented by the same agency. And I have to admit this really surprised me, this one shook because, if we can't trust agents, who can we trust?"
Kimmel was also sure to throw in some jabs at President Donald Trump and his administration. While praising Jordan Peele for becoming only the third person to be nominated for Best Directing, Screenplay and Picture for his debut film, Kimmel joked, "None other than President Trump called Get Out the best first three-quarters of a movie this year." Later, he gave a nod to Call Me By Your Name, a movie with a lot of critical acclaim, but not huge box office numbers. "We don't make films like Call Me By Your Name for money," Kimmel said. "We make them to upset Mike Pence."
Kimmel closed his monologue with one last plea to the winners at the 90th Academy Awards, to use their speeches to thank family, old teachers, friends, whoever, or call out causes they think are important. Still, he also urged them to keep their speeches short. The person with the shortest speech, Kimmel said, would go home with not just an Oscar, but a brand new jet ski.
Watch Jimmy Kimmel's full opening monologue below.