You haven’t lived until you see Kim Basinger, everybody’s favorite bankrupt newlywed, playing a hardened felon leaving the slammer after six years and sparkling like she’s just spent six hours in hair and makeup. Basinger’s glam bank-robber look should tip you off to the formula graveyard ahead in The Real McCoy, which was written by William Davies and William Osborne — the perpetrators of Sylvester Stallone’s epically unfunny Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Director Russell Mulcahy (Ricochet) also works strenuously to avoid any hint of originality. Basinger plays Karen McCoy, a cat burglar who tries to go straight by working in a laundry (Kim in a kerchief with attractively applied beads of sweat is another howl). Wouldn’t you know that slimeball Terence Stamp forces her to engineer an $18 million bank heist by kidnapping her young son. As her klutzy accomplice, Val Kilmer gets the bimbo role — he takes off his shirt, she leaves hers on. The biggest con job ventured by The Real McCoy is fleecing suckers out of the price of a ticket.