The new Mummy is, how can I put it? Just freakin’ awful. The computerized action travels beyond cheese to the realm of the tackiest Velveeta. The first two Mummy movies were awful as well, but they were hits and rode on the unfakable charm of Brendan Fraser as Indiana Jones-in-training Rick O’Connell. The 2008 Mummy, directed by Rob Cohen, still has Fraser, thoug he looks understandably baffled. It’s 1946 and suddenly he has a college-ageon. Rick is still married to the feisty Evelyn, but now she’s played by Maria Bello instead of Oscar winner Rachel Weisz. No one says a word. Theo location now is China, how timely given the upcoming Beijing Olympics. Listen, I can’t go on. The plot is idiotic and everyone acts like major tools. The one star I plopped on this clunky bore-athon is due to the presence of the great Jet Li as the evil Dragon Emperor of the subtitle and the gorgeous Michelle Yeoh as Zi Yuan, a witch who’s been on the Emperors’ ass for over 2000 years. I could explain, but you wouldn’t believe me. Nor should you. This Mummy belongs in a tomb with a stake in its heart or whatever it takes to make sure it won’t rise again.