Look, I wouldn’t mind a comic desecration of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, as long as the darned thing was funny. Hell, Bill Murray hit that mark twenty years ago in Scrooged. But Ghosts of Girlfriends Past never comes as close as spitting distance to a laugh. Matthew McConaughey, who hit a comedy low (I thought) in Fool’s Gold, sinks ever lower as hotshot celeb photographer Connor Mead, a stud who badmouths marriage to his about-to-be-wed kid brother (Breckin Meyer). Connor, a Scrooge when it comes to commitment, gets a life lesson from Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas, the film’s one bright spot), another man-whore who comes back from the dead to school Connor in the error of recreational boffing.
As we watch Connor swim through time in his so-called “lake of sex,” the movie swims in its own brand of crude, mirthless muck. The script is reportedly the handiwork of Jon Lucas and Scott Moore. But since they struck gold with The Hangover (out June 5th), I choose not to believe it. They tell me the director is Mark Waters. Since Waters did wonders with Mean Girls, I’m going to think he directed this bilge under duress and/or the hypnotic lure of a fat paycheck. Seeing the bewitching Jennifer Garner stuck in the role of the good girl who will change Connor’s ways, well, that’s just sad. McConaughey sold out his Dazed and Confused promise years ago. Garner needs a career intervention before it’s too late. There’s only one thing to do if you’re stuck at this witless bore. Flush it and forget it.