June is here, which means its time for a post-spring cleaning of last month’s cinematic trash. Cue Rolling Stone‘s film critic Peter Travers, who breaks out his handy Scum Bucket for the worst of May’s hot-mess movies.
He kicks things off with what may be the most disgusting entry of the month (and possibly all year): The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence). The grotesque cult film that’s somehow spawned two sequels — and like it’s predecessors, the last entry of the trilogy centers around the act of stitching a person’s mouth to another person’s, ah, anus. “They’re still doing it!” Travers says, rightfully baffled.
Also up on deck: Pitch Perfect 2‘s Hailee Steinfeld as a teenage special ops agent in Barely Lethal (“Get it? It’s a pun”), one who wants to be a normal kid but “finds high school more terrifying than dealing with terrorists,” as he describes. “I’m saving you. You’re not gonna go near it.” Even less appealing is Diane Keaton and Morgan Freeman’s 5 Flights Up, about a couple pondering the sale of their Brooklyn walk-up. “So sappy, so awful,” Travers says. And Aloft is not much better, as Jennifer Connely searches for her hawk-raising son but instead they both find themselves “[staring] into space. You should not stare at this — not once, not ever.”
Travers also takes on Aloha, Cameron Crowe directing a messy, star-studded romp in Hawaii (“What happened? Did this get lost somewhere?”); the Poltergeist remake; San Andreas, an action film starring the Rock and about an earthquake wreaking havoc on the entirety of California (“a digital mess”); and Hot Pursuit, in which Reese Witherspoon’s cop chases Sofia Vergara’s widowed-gangster’s-wife across Texas. “The world did not need this movie,” the critic declares. “No one should be in hot pursuit of Hot Pursuit.”