Remember a few weeks back when we unequivocally believed that both teams loved the hell out of each other? Yeah, well, how quickly things can change, especially when you’re dealing with self-obsessed semi-celebs. When we left off, Arsenio Hall had just gone batshit crazy on Aubrey O’Day in the board room. This caused her to storm off, putting her future on the show in jeopardy.
When we resume this week, Hall is still fuming. And he’s pulling no verbal punches. “I’ve had to suck it all up and let a bitch treat me like shit,” he yells to his teammates and anyone else who’s willing to listen. “Fuck that whore!” Whoa! Take it easy there, buddy! It’s just an overrated reality show.
Of course, Lisa Lampanelli is having none of this. She berates Hall and says he better lay off that sort of misogynistic language. Her anger is only further exacerbated when Dayana Mendoza and Lou Ferrigno return from the board room – Lampanelli knows she’s now stuck with the two of them. “You’re both fucking useless,” she says. (Side note: Paul Teutul Sr., the unsung hero of this season, is seen munching on strawberries amid all the chaos.)
After Hall informs Magic Johnson (via video-chat) that he’s won $50K for the former basketball star and new L.A. Dodger owner’s charity, the contestants appear before Mr. Trump to receive their next task. But wait? Who is that redheaded creature? Ah, yes. It’s Aubrey O’Day. It seems she’s put her tiff with Hall behind her for charity.
This week’s task? Both teams must create a 60-second commercial promoting Entertainment.com (it’s that company that makes those coupon books your mom loves). Without consulting her team, Mendoza volunteers to be project manager; Teresa Giudice, with her team’s approval, will lead the other squad.
Both teams start brainstorming. Giudice’s team decides to go with a commercial that plays off – what else? – sex. Essentially, the premise of the spot will be that a dad, Teutul Sr. – easily capturing the episode by losing the tough-guy shtick and dressing like the suburban stiff most men aged 20-30 will soon become: parted hair, bright green sweater, Hair Club for Men-dyed mustache, etc. – thinks he hears his daughter (O’Day) and her boyfriend (randomly-hired actor dude) going at it in her bedroom. Really, though, they’re just checking out Entertainment.com’s new mobile app. (Very believable, indeed.) In the commercial, O’Day utters such lovely lines as “Here, take it in your hand” and “So you just have to move your hand up and down?” So, at least there’s that.
The other team, led by Mendoza, learns they’ll be undermanned; Penn Jillette has to leave later in the day for a magic gig. Lampanelli is pissed. Mendoza’s team decides to go with a commercial centered on a relationship fueled by a couple’s love of Entertainment.com (this is weird, creepy and amazing all at once). Ferrigno is upset that the team wants to use hired actors instead of their team members. After all, isn’t he qualified to act? I mean, c’mon guys, this is THE Hulk. His team couldn’t care less. They view Ferrigno as a walking cinder block.
Back on the sex-commercial team’s side, things are going smoothly, although O’Day does steal the spotlight when project consultant Ivanka Trump pays a visit. Nonetheless O’Day, per usual, has fun criticizing others: she finds Giudice’s directorial skills amusingly awful. “Watching Teresa direct is painful,” she says, referring to her project manager as a “puppet baby.”
After filming is complete, Clay Aiken and Hall hit the editing room; O’Day soon comes in and offers last-minute suggestions for change. Aiken concisely sums up her position. “Aubrey’s biggest talent is covering her ass,” the ginger-mopped singer says.
Now sans Jillette, Mendoza’s team starts shooting their commercial. Shockingly, Lampanelli is jelling with Mendoza, her usual nemesis. “Maybe Dayana is more than a pretty face,” Lampanelli admits. Ferrigno, perpetually in the shadows, tries to offer some directorial suggestions to Mendoza, who quickly dismisses him. This prompts Ferrigno, now feeling slighted, to say he doesn’t like the commercial.
Both teams present their ads to the Entertainment.com executives and then head to the board room. Mendoza’s team – especially Lampanelli – feel Ferrigno was as effective as a rotting corpse. “Get ready for an elevator ride, Lou,” Lampanelli says. Ferrigno doesn’t like this . . . at all. “If you were a man, I would have thrown you through a window,” he says. Umm, Lou. Probably not the right thing to say on network TV, buddy.
Teresa’s team is much more lovey-dovey. Although eventually the truth comes out that Giudice felt O’Day, as ever, overstepped her role. “You are very polarizing,” Ivanka Trump says to O’Day. Trump plays both teams’ videos for the other to see. Ferrigno, when asked what he thought of the other team’s video, admits he likes it better. Oh, snap! Lampanelli is now calling him Benedict Arnold. Hell, even Trump thinks Ferrigno should have just shut his yap and stuck by his team’s side.
So who won? Teresa’s team. Apparently, the Entertainment.com execs think Mendoza’s team’s commercial was a bit bland.
Mendoza decides to give Jillette a free pass and Trump excuses him from the board room. With only Mendoza, Lampanelli and Ferrigno left, all signs point to Ferrigno getting the ax. “I don’t think he has much to add other than brawn,” Lampanelli says, refraining from further tearing him a new one. Ferrigno, as always, says he gave “110 percent” (where exactly does that extra 10 percent come from, Lou?). But feeling that Ferrigno was disloyal to his team in the board room, Trump has no choice but to let him go. Lou is fired. But wait? Ferrigno begs Trump to change his mind. Nope. Lou’s gone. Nice try.
With the contestants gone, Donald Trump Jr. turns to his father to state his agreement with daddy’s decision. “We all heard from you growing up that loyalty is everything,” Trump Jr. says. Trump? Loyalty? What a show!
NEXT WEEK: Hold on! It’s the toughest task EVER! Oh, never mind: it’s a puppet show. On the bright side, Lisa is still going apeshit.
Last episode: Take a Walk