'American Idol' Recap: Results Are In - Rolling Stone
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‘American Idol’ Recap: Results Are In

The top ten finalists are announced

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Ryan Seacrest addresses the final 11 contestants before elimination on 'American Idol.'

Michael Becker / FOX

After the expulsion of Jermaine Jones from the ranks of American Idol contestants, the fate of the contestants is uncertain. Will someone be eliminated tonight, or will Jermaine’s sacrificial stupidity be enough to sate the ratings gods? Only Ryan Seacrest knows for sure. He comes on to reminds us that tonight’s results will determine the top ten finalists, and it is those top ten who will earn a coveted spot on the American Idol tour.

To kill time we are treated to a sneak peek of Jennifer Lopez’s spread in Vogue. Spoiler alert: She wears pants! Then we are introduced to Tommy Hilfiger. Of course, we already know Tommy Hilfiger, but not as Idol‘s resident image advisor. So now you know who to address your complaints to about Deandre Brackensick‘s oversized white suits and Elise Testone‘s Janis Joplin dresses.

This week’s Ford Music Commercial is set to “Ghost Town.” Unfortunately they didn’t have time to edit Jermaine out of the video, so we see his galumphing ghost loitering in all the shots. Haunted, indeed.

To kick off the kicking off, Phillip Phillips, Skylar Laine, Joshua Ledet and Elise Testone are called up to center stage. We are reminded how the Idol cookie crumbled last night. In short, they were all great! Remember? Josh Ledet was the best thing Jennifer had ever seen on Idol. He was so great, in fact, that Jimmy Iovine has come out of his safe room to witness his greatness in person. You know who also loved the performance? Percy Sledge, who is apparently both alive and on email. Ryan announces that obviously Joshua and Phillip are safe and once again, despite her improved performance, Elise Testone is in the bottom three.  This is undoubtedly hard on her self-esteem, but there’s little doubt that the judges will let her be eliminated. She can use the Idol tour money for therapy. 

Then Demi Lovato comes out in hair extensions, skin-tight jeans, five-inch heels and a Guns N’ Roses t-shirt to excise the Disney image. Elise is looking lonely, so Ryan beckons Colton Dixon, Shannon Magrane, Jessica Sanchez, and Deandre to judgment. Colton is safe, and hopefully White Lion will invite him on tour with them. Jessica is safe, obviously, and then it is down to Shannon, who was pretty good, and Deandre, who kind of sucked. So who goes home?  Once again, Shannon is in the bottom. I will say it again: She’s too cute to win the tween girl vote and not nearly as talented as, say, Jessica. So she will probably go home soon.

Daughtry gets in touch with his roots and returns to the Idol stage. I wonder what it’s like for Daughtry coming back to Idol with only Randy Jackson to remember him? Hahaha that’s a joke, because Daughtry clearly doesn’t care. He has a national stage to sing on, and he doesn’t even have to open for Nickelback.

The final contestants are called up, and we are reminded that Hollie Cavanagh spent last night dressed as a chandelier and singing Celine Dion. You know, normal 18-year-old behavior. Also that Heejun Han delivered a tortured rendition of a Richard Marx song and Erika Van Pelt got screwed by Jimmy Iovine (not literally, pervs) and sang Bryan Adams, but it was far from “Heaven.” Heejun’s humor gets him through once again and Erika is in the bottom three. America hates ladies young AND old, it seems. The judges are unhappy that Elise, who delivered an excellent performance last night, is in the bottom three. I guess they don’t like to admit that this show is frequently more of a popularity contest than a talent contest. Elise is sent back to safety. Erika joins her soon after, which means Shannon Magrane is going home. Shannon is very brave and composed on stage, not shedding a tear and thanking the judges profusely. If only she was being judged on poise, maybe she would have lasted longer.

Last episode: Not-So-Gentle Giant?


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