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The Best ’30 Rock’ One-Liners

The Best ’30 Rock’ One-Liners

Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC/Getty

For seven seasons, 30 Rock has shown that a sitcom about the entertainment industry isn't all inside baseball. It's truly absurd in a way that workplace comedies on network TV rarely are, with running jokes about werewolf bar mitzvahs and a cast of freaks that make it all that more humanizing. Tina Fey's TV magnum opus has seen its ups and downs plot-wise, but one thing that has stayed consistent – and perhaps even improved – are one-liners so distractingly funny, they steal scenes. In honor of 30 Rock's series finale on January 31st (and our new cover story), we reveal the show's 20 best one-liners.

By Jillian Mapes

Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock

Art Streiber/NBC

1

Season Three, Episode 22

'Science is my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament' – Kenneth

Grizz and Dotcom reveal to Kenneth that Tracy sparred with his high school science teacher over a frog dissection, thus forcing him to drop out. In turn, Kenneth reveals his backwoods roots in Stone Mountain, Georgia once more.

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

2

Season Two, Episode Four

'Never follow a hippie to a second location' – Jack

When Liz's comedy hero – Laugh-In writer Rosemary (played by Carrie Fisher) – turns out to be less than sane, Jack uses it as yet another teachable moment.

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Art Streiber/NBC

3

Season Five, Episode Five (Jack)

'I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut' – Jack

In the episode "Reaganing," Jack has deluded himself into thinking he can solve any problem, including this battle with everyone's favorite liberal anchor. Now it's difficult to look at Maddow without thinking of Alec Baldwin's thick wallet of a haircut.

Judah Friedlander, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

4

Season Five, Episode 12

'There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vintage T-shirt shops and a banjo' – Frank

As Jack schemes up a pre-taped celebrity telethon for a future, TBD natural disaster, it gets the TGS writers thinking. 30 Rock has rarely taken cheap shots at the hipster crowd, but this is too true not to use.

Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

5

Season Three, Episode 18

'Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven Symone for one day, but she knows what she did' – Jenna

Jack asks Jenna to attend the Kid’s Choice Awards to promote her pseudo-Janis Joplin biopic (named Jackie Jormp-Jormp, for legal reasons), but of course, she’s battling with another C-lister.

Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

6

Season Two, Episode Six

'Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you're science. Tell her, Jack!' – Tracy

When Jack has a messy affair with a liberal congresswoman (played by Edie Falco), Tracy feeds him potential lines to win her back. Would we expect any less from Tracy, the consummate romantic who has not only never cheated on his wife but gets her face tattooed on his back in lion form?

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

7

Season Four, Episode Two

'I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons' – Liz

In the episode "Into the Crevasse," Kenneth asks Liz if he can only work 20 hours that day so he can volunteer at an animal shelter. He mentions that he also volunteers for Pthe ants for Zoo Animals program and Big Brother, "an organization that secretly watches people and makes sure they are behaving properly."

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

8

Season Five, Episode 18

'TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like 'liberal government' or 'female scientist'' – Jack

Tracy threatens the show's existence with his disappearance; Jack uses the occasion to remind Lemon that he may be her best friend, but he still stands against everything she values (besides, of course, Cheesy Blasters).

Jane Krakowski, Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

9

Season Five, Episode Nine

'Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong' – Jenna

Jenna's play on a Woody Allen quote from Annie Hall comes as a shock to no one following her romantic past, which includes a sexual makeover from Mickey Rourke and a relationship with a drag queen who dresses as her (played by Will Forte).

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

10

Season Five, Episode Five (Liz)

'I'm sorry I'm a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond' – Liz

Statements like this are expected from Liz Lemon, who once said that the word "lovers" "bums [her] out unless it's between the words 'meat' and 'pizza'." Jack tries to fix her sexual performance issue with Carol (played by Matt Damon), which turns out to be correlated with Tom Jones (yes, the singer).

Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

11

Season Four, Episode Two

'A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory' – Tracy

When Liz uses Tracy's dysfunctional marriage as inspiration for her Dealbreakers book, Tracy goes off on her for such selections as, "If your man owns a diamond necklace that says 'open marriage,' that’s a dealbreaker."

Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

12

Season One, Episode One

'Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets' – Tracy

When Liz meets with Tracy for the first time, he immediately likes her and launches into a rant about the evil power of "white dudes" like Jack Donaghy and "Karl Robe." Tracy's bit about chicken nuggets inspires the first line he ever says on TGS, even before he's a cast member.

Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

13

Season Five, Episode Three

'When I was pageantizing, my mother told me there's only three things standing between you and winning: your breasts, and wanting it bad enough' – Jenna

Jenna puts Kenneth through rigorous training as he tries to get his job back as an NBC page, a process he says now resembles a pageant. Naturally, Jenna makes it all about herself, recalling her childhood pageant days down in Florida.

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

14

Season Five, Episode 19

'Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold' – Jack

Nothing is too disgusting for Liz Lemon. In order to find Tracy, Liz and Kenneth "think like Tracy," which means they end up having a swordfish dinner at a strip club and shooting a blimp with a cop's gun.

Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey

Ali Goldstein/NBC

15

Season Four, Episode Three

'Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?' – Jack

In the episode "Stone Mountain," Liz and Jack go to "real America" (i.e. Georgia) to find a new TGS cast member. Liz eats a sandwich (no shocker there) that ends up getting her sick, which Jack gets a whiff of the next morning during an argument over Jack's proposed hire.

Tina Fey, Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

16

Season Two, Episode 11

'Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle’s after he would drink from the air conditioner' – Kenneth

In the episode "MILF Island," a TGS staffer calls Jack a "class A moron" to a Page Six reporter, an incident Kenneth witnesses. That staffer ends up being Liz, who threatens Kenneth not to tell Jack the truth.

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

17

Season Two, Episode Eight

'I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes' – Jack

Jack fires back with this passive-aggressive comment when his liberal congresswoman girlfriend (played by Edie Falco) thinks about her own career over his.

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

18

Season Six, Episode 17

'Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs' – Jack

Kabletown, i.e. 30 Rock’s thinly-veiled Comcast homage, starts production on a line of American-made couches (spelled "kouches"). Jack uses the opportunity to preach about his religion, American capitalism – that is, until he feels how exquisitely uncomfortable the couches are.

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

19

Season Four, Episode 11

'Ugh, I hate January. It's dark and freezing and everyone's wearing bulky coats, so you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless' – Liz

Liz kicks off the episode "Winter Madness" with a classic Lemonism: slightly bitter, totally clueless about men, unknowingly hilarious.

Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Ali Goldstein/NBC

20

Season Five, Episode Seven

'Good God! Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter!' – Jack

30 Rock actually used a body double to shoot Liz's lower half in her new miracle jeans from "local boutique" Brooklyn Without Limits. The store turns out to be owned by a massive corporation, so naturally, Lemon swaps the jeans for the least flattering pair of overalls known to man.

In This Article: 30 Rock, Tina Fey

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