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Kevin Smith on Charlie Sheen, Pot and Being Fat

Outtakes from the Rolling Stone profile

Photograph by Peter Yang

In the May 12th issue of Rolling Stone, on newsstands and in the digital archive now, contributing editor Josh Eells speaks to director Kevin Smith – who reveals that he's calling it quits, loves smoking pot and what he really thinks of his critics. Here are choice outtakes from his story.

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On Charlie Sheen

"If I had to guess, I think he’s just trying to shake his shit up. Like, ‘I’ve been on that fucking kid’s sitcom for 10 years, I fucking hate it, I used to be an Academy Awards guy, I might as well play the fucking warlock for a couple weeks.’ That’s my theory anyway. Either he’s apeshit crazy—or he’s like, fuck it, let’s change the narrative a bit."

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On Taking Up Pot at Age 38

"The first thing that went up dramatically was the libido. I was always a fucking guy — I loved fucking — but I was fucking like a teenager again. Pawing at my wife like a high school kid. I’ve never done coke, but the way I understand how coke works is the way weed seems to operate me. I’ll fucking talk for four hours if I have a joint. When I put that thing in my mouth, I am a god."

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On the Hollywood Model

"All these young filmmakers are banging their heads trying to figure out how to get into a movie theater. Why bother? It’s coming to an end. The movie theater is right here [tapping his iPhone]. You go to a multiplex on a Tuesday at 1 o’clock, and you see how many people are in there, how many screens they have, how much their rent is, how many employees they have. It doesn’t work anymore. We live in a BitTorrent age. The studios are still trying to put the genie back in the bottle, but they don’t understand that this is a generation that’s used to getting it for free. The first indie filmmaker who’s like, fuck theatrical, I’m gonna make the computer my multiplex — that’s the person who’s gonna control the future of entertainment."

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On Why Fat Guys Make Better Lovers

"I got tons of pussy considering I was a fat kid. But I think that helps in some ways, because they get to know you first — they’re like, 'Well I’m never gonna fuck this guy,' so they become your friend. Sooner or later they’re gonna realize that other buff dude don’t call and shit, and they’re not gonna that treatment from a fat man. I think the smartest thing any woman in this world can do is find herself a fat dude. It’s like having a loyal puppy that will be by your side forever. You just have to get over the blubber. I always thought my wife had a pretty sweet deal: All she has to do is turn a blind eye to the blubber, and she gets treated like a queen."

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On Tracy Morgan

"[On the set of Cop Out], he was the dude that always overgave. Tracy’s got diabetes — he has a fucking hole in his foot the size of a Kennedy half-dollar. The whole time we’re making that movie, this dude’s hooked up to a box with a tube that goes down to a boot that his foot sits in, so it can drain moisture from his wound. He can barely run, he can barely walk. And yet every time he opened his mouth, he’s fucking gold. He was there early, he left late. Every take: 'You want to do it again, Kev? I can be funnier.' That’s the guy you want to work with. He literally saved that picture."

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On His Critics

"It’s not like I have a thin skin. I’ve got fucking rhinoceros skin. But the shit with the films, it cuts close. Like, I can’t believe someone who’s never even tried this is gonna come down on me for doing it wrong. Can I see your example? I think critiquing a film is such a waste of time. It’s art — either you like it or you don’t. One man’s Clerks is another man’s Juwanna Man.”

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On Retiring at 40

"Forty, man. The other day I fucking felt something on my ball. I was like, 'Oh my God, what is that? Maybe I should go look at it.' But then I decided I’ve got enough going on already. So I’d rather relax right now — because it sounds like the next 10 years fucking blow."

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