Home Movies Movie Lists

10 Worst Movies of 2015

Wretched sequels, D.O.A. buddy comedies, that ‘Entourage’ movie — the créme of 2015’s cinematic crud

tktk

Warner Bros/Photofest

It was a year of intense dramas, hilarious comedies, jaw-dropping action films and mind-boggling examples of that ol' time movie magic — and that was just Mad Max: Fury Road. For these with short memories, however, a reminder: 2015 was also when we watched Mark Wahlberg get an entire shelf of semen samples dumped on him, Ed Helms bath in raw sewage and the Entourage crew prove their alpha-douche toxicity could not be limited to the small screen. For every Age of Ultron, there is a Fantastic Four; next to every Spy and Trainwreck lurks a Hot Pursuit. [Shudder]

Rolling Stone's resident film critic has already weighed in on the year's best, so now its time to shine the spotlight on the worst movies of 2015. We're not ranking these, as they all made us feel equally horrible in their own special, unique ways — consider it a 10-way tie for last. And remember: We can forgive, but we must never forget.

American Ultra; Worst Movies 2015

BL5U8500.CR2

‘American Ultra’

Finally, a movie that answers the question: What if The Bourne Identity had been a steaming pile of garbage? Crossing the drabbest spy film of all time with a pot comedy so daft it could drive kids to harder drugs, this reunion of Adventureland co-stars Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eisenberg casts the couple as small-town stoners — the latter of which discovers that he's actually a secret CIA killing machine. Ugly, smug, and told with so little gravitas that Topher Grace plays the bad guy, it's a movie that's way too high on its own supply.

The Cobbler

Image Entertainment

‘The Cobbler’

Adam Sandler stars as a schlubby cobbler named Max Simkin, who literally becomes other people when he walks in their shoes. How, exactly, this leads to him nearly having sex with his mother the night before she dies is already one of cinema's greatest mysteries. Part transphobic fairy tale, part Jewish superhero movie, part … whatever you call a movie in which Adam Sandler gorges on pickles in order to restore his magical powers, this is the kind of thing that you have to see with a friend — if only so that someone else can confirm that yes, this actually happened.

Entourage

Claudette Barius/Warner Bros

‘Entourage’

Both the cinematic equivalent of chlamydia and the ultimate "fuck you" to everyone who's been clamoring for a Deadwood movie, this feature-length take on the HBO show gave us 2015’s least profitable movie about dinosaurs. Why someone decided to reach back into the dark period of American history when bros were in the vanguard and give us a bloated mega-episode involving an EDM Dracula and an inbred Haley Joel Osment is a riddle; all we know is that this carnival of pain ends with Vince and his boys at the Golden Globes, and the only awards show they belong at is the Razzies.

Fantastic Four; Worst Movies 2015

‘Fantastic Four’

What is it about this quartet's story — the ground zero of the Marvel superhero revolution — that makes it so impervious to watchable screen adaptations? Not even the behind-the-scenes shenanigans can explain how muddled and misguided this hot-mess-in-spandex is, as it slogs through an origin story, idly sets up a half-hearted conflict (though guess what, Sue Richards, you can stay on the sidelines while the menfolk go cosmos-hopping) and then sputters to a stop. Fox's non-MCU attempt to exploit its comic-book properties feels like its own off-brand knock-off. Suddenly, that low-rent Roger Corman version doesn't seem quite so bad, does it?

Get Hard; Worst Movies 2015

‘Get Hard’

Busted for fraud, a financial-industry fatcat (Will Ferrell) is given a ten-year stretch in the pokey. (Oh yes, there will be prison-rape jokes. Lots of them.) So he asks the African-American gent (Kevin Hart) who washes his car to school him in the ways of jailhouse etiquette. What's supposed to be a class-conscious takedown of One-percenters turns into an equal-opportunity offender for all carbon-based lifeforms; not even Hart's manicness and Ferrell's cluelessness can save this movie from its own worst tendencies. Whether this comedy is genuinely racist, as many folks have suggested, is debatable. That it's totally rancid, however, is not. 

Hot Pursuit

Hot Pursuit (2015) Directed by Anne Fletcher Shown from left: Sofia Vergara, Reese Witherspoon

Warner Bros/Photofest

‘Hot Pursuit’

Remember the scene in Dumb and Dumber where Harry and Lloyd liven up a road trip by creating the most annoying sound in the world? Hot Pursuit is that noise for 87 uninterrupted minutes, and at a much higher pitch. Reese Witherspoon brings the comic timing of a tax audit to the role of a spunky Texas cop who's tasked with driving a fashionista (Sofia Vergara, swan diving into self-parody) to a court trial. With barely enough jokes to fill a Vine — one character is short, the other is foreign! — this romp has all the fun and momentum of gridlock traffic.

Mortdecai; Worst Movies 2015

‘Mortdecai’

His turn in the Whitey Bulger biopic Black Mass had people claiming that Johnny Depp was back — but before that, 2015 delivered what could be the nadir of his career (and yes, we're counting The Tourist). Playing the art-dealer antihero of Kyril Bonfiglioli's comic novels, Depp aims for a Brit version of Inspector Clouseau, and ends up delivering the sort of cringeworthy, over-the-top mugging that would give Benny Hill pause. You can see the Swingin' Sixties-style champagne cocktail this movie wants to be, but the zaniness and retro thrills are DOA. Even the star's upstaging mustache seems embarrassed to be associated with this.

Serena; Worst movies of 2015

‘Serena’

Putting Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence together is usually a recipe for success — unless your movie is, apparently, a historical drama-cum-character study about an outdoorsman industrialist and his doomed, enigmatic wife. Yes, there may have been movies that, pound for pound, were more god-awful than Susanne Bier's melodrama about murder, jealousy and lust in the 1930s timber industry. But in terms of sheer wasted talent, undermined ambitiousness and misguided decisions, well … then the wind cries Serena. It's less an epic than a failure of those proportions. Come back, Heaven's Gate, all is forgiven.   

Ted 2

Ted 2 (2015) Directed by Seth MacFarlane Shown: Ted (voice: Seth MacFarlane)

Warner Bros/Photofest

‘Ted 2’

Look, we like a good breaking-into-Tom-Brady's-house-to-jerk-him-off joke as much as the next person. But there's a stink of desperation in Seth MacFarlane's sequel to his 2012 hit comedy, as if he realized that a profanity-spewing bear making porn jokes wasn't that funny but doubled down anyway. Then the film decides that it also wants to be a left-field parable about racism (Ted is told he's "property"), and that's when things go from tiresome to downright toxic. Put it this way: There's a scene where Mark Wahlberg ends up covered in tainted semen. By the end, we understood just how dirty he felt.

Vacation; Worst Movies of 2015

‘Vacation’

A road trip comedy in which the car is easily the most likable character, this vile update of National Lampoon's family-friendly classic doesn't end until you can't remember what you enjoyed about the original. Ed Helms stars in the Chevy Chase role (though he's playing the adult version of Clark Griswold's son, Rusty) and the only conceivable explanation for his presence here is that he dared his agent to find him a more loathsome vehicle than The Hangover Part III. When the Griswold family bathes in raw sewage, anyone who optimistically bought a ticket to this movie should be able to relate.

Show Comments