7. Cube Kong
You know how some mobile games put a directional-pad in the corner of the screen and it never, ever works? Imagine the least workable of those, so tiny it's clearly made for the fingers of mutant pixie children, controlling a gigantic gorilla made of boxes. That's Cube Kong. There's also a jump button and a context-sensitive eat button, which appears when you're near one of the humans who fall at your feet. Press that cheery little icon of an apple and Cube Kong kneels down to feast on their innards like some kind of giant hairy ghoul. Now that I think about it, I take it back: Cube Kong is actually kind of great.