Over two years and 7,000 tweets, @DadBoner has chronicled the misadventures of Karl Welzein, a fictional thirtysomething deadbeat dad (and oddly hyper-confident fuckup) from Grand Blanc, Michigan. The creation of comedian Mike Burns, @DadBoner is pure narrative; he never breaks character, never retweets, and never replies to followers. When he's not peepin' babes at the local Applebee's ('Bee's in his parlance), @DadBoner is passing out drunk on the john at work or celebrating the bold flavors of Guy Fieri. He's not without almost-redeeming qualities, however. After reuniting with his adolescent son, he tweeted, "My son Chad wanted to hang out again today. Told him, 'Easy. It's Sunday. Bein' a Dad can't be an EVERY day thing.' Gotta take it slow."