The 2015 NFL season kicked off Thursday night with the New England Patriots toppling the Pittsburgh Steelers. After the game, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon got into the football spirit with a segment called “NFL Stars Read Their Own Superlatives,” with all-stars like Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, Calvin Johnson and Andrew Luck poking fun at their own photos.
In the case of Manning, the 18-year veteran was awarded “Most Likely to Have to Explain to a Rookie What a VCR Was.” Detroit Lions quarterback Matt Stafford, sporting a still-growing neck beard, was named “Most Likely to Wear Suspenders and Play the Jug in a Mumford and Sons Cover Band.” Other highlights included redheaded Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton announcing himself as “Most Likely to Be the Love Child of Ed Sheeran and the Firefox logo” and 36-year-old New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees winning “Most Likely to Be the Dad Dancing Way Too Hard at a Taylor Swift Concert.”
Not every superlative was a “Most Likely To.” Cleveland Browns cornerback Joe Haden, who rocks a hi-top fade haircut, is simply referred to “Black Dilbert,” a nod to the hero of the comic strip, while New England Patriots tight end and noted Deez Nuts supporter Rob Gronkowski is given the title “Human Minion” for the almost perfectly oval shape of his head.
Although the athletes poke fun at themselves, The Tonight Show‘s superlative reading isn’t nearly as vicious as when Jimmy Fallon Live! forced NBA players to read mean tweets.