I’ve never watched an episode of Dancing With the Stars, so I didn’t raise an eyebrow when I heard Rick Perry was going to be on this next season’s competition. I don’t care to watch Vanilla Ice or a Brady Bunch star, but I might be inclined to watch a clip on YouTube or a gif of Laurie Hernandez because I’m not sure there’s a human with a heart beating in their chest that doesn’t want to see the winking Olympic gold medal winner do great things, same with Amber Rose. And while I still didn’t change my mind about spending however long an episode of the dance competition takes when I heard that former Detroit Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson, I still said to myself, “Good for Megatron. I hope he wins. He deserves it.”
But just like in his NFL career with the Lions, Johnson, the guy who broke Jerry Rice’s record for receiving yards in one season, played in six Pro Bowls and was the best wide receiver of his generation even with Matthew Stafford throwing to him for a sizable chunk of his career, probably won’t win the big one. At least that’s what Lions running back Ameer Abdullah thinks. “He’s going to do awful, that’s a given. But he’s given it his best shot, that’s all you can ask for,” he told Detroit Free Press.
Ah yes, the old “give it your best shot even though you probably have no chance of making it past the first round” deal. Poor Johnson – just like the best running back of the 1990s who also played in Detroit, Barry Sanders – knows that all too well. It’s too bad that with a group of celebrity dancers comprised of the guy who almost pooped himself when Suge Knight shook him down (note: I probably would also poop myself if this happened) and this fucking guy, one of the greatest wide receivers ever, isn’t going in as a favorite.
But I’m guessing he doesn’t care. Johnson, who famously signed one of the biggest contracts in NFL history, $132 million in 2012, probably wants to have fun. The $125,000 base that he and the other contestants will make for showing up to rehearsals and two weeks of the show is really just change in the jar for the guy. He’s really just there to enjoy retirement.
But damn, it’d be really nice to see Megatron finally win something.