Welcome to Flagrant 2, your a.m. update on the night in sports.
If you went to bed early, you missed plenty … though, really, all you need to know is this: freaking RoboCop threw out the first pitch in Detroit. That, and all the lesser highlights, right now:
Part Man. Part Machine. All Crappy Pitcher.
RoboCop, Detroit’s favorite cybernetic citizen, took a break from patrolling the city streets to throw out the first pitch before the Tigers/Blue Jays game on Tuesday night.
It did not go particularly well.
Don’t get us wrong, it wasn’t a debacle on par with 50 Cent’s first pitch, but we expected RoboCop to stride to the mound, produce a baseball from his thigh-holster, and paint the outside corner with a 120-mph fastball. Instead, we got a weak-ass Eephus pitch that barely made it to home plate. ED-209 would’ve hit it all the way to Royal Oak.
Then again, as soon as we saw new RoboCop warming up in the bullpen – the first pitch ceremony was part of “RoboCop Day” in Detroit, an event cleverly tied to the DVD release of the 2014 reboot – we knew what we were in for. After all, he can’t even wrestle, and he’s definitely never had fried chicken (Josh Beckett’s favorite meal!) Oh, the Blue Jays ended up winning the game BTW, scoring 5 runs in the top of the ninth.
In Non-RoboCop News
After a rain-delay in New York, the Oakland A’s continued to roll, rallying past the big-budget Yankees in extra innings to stretch their record to an American-League best 36-22.
Brandon Moss hit a pair of home runs, including a go-ahead bomb in the 10th, scrap-heap pickup Scott Kazmir struck out 10, and the A’s survived a rare power-surge from aging Yankees’ slugger Mark Teixeira, who went 2-for-5 with a home run. New York’s opening-day payroll was almost $120 million more than Oakland’s, for those keeping score at home.
Elsewhere, Nelson Cruz hit his MLB-leading 21st home run as the Orioles beat the Rangers. And in Houston, Astros rookie Jon Singleton (he of the controversial contract) made quite the debut, striking out twice and making two errors, but also positively crushing his first career home run, too.
Congrats to the Florida Gators, who won their first NCAA softball championship on Tuesday night. Party at the Salty Dog! (Is that place still open?) … Bad times for Mexico, who dropped a 1-0 friendly to Bosnia-Herzegovina despite controlling much of the match … Meanwhile, Brazil throttled Panama 4-0, thanks to Neymar, who scored one goal and set up two others. We can all agree Brazil is totally going to win the World Cup, right?