Welcome back to another installment of Rolling Stone‘s “Everything Index,” our midweek rankings of pop-culture’s power players, be they marauding cats, Israeli prime ministers or multimillionaire managing editors.
Yes, we’ve got something for everyone in this edition, and if you’re a fan of both copy editing and Keeping Up with the Kardashians, boy are you in luck: Kim K is taking a gig as People magazine’s beauty editor! We’ve also got an island overrun with cats, the demise of Jared Leto’s beautiful hair, a controversial speech by BiBi and the biggest Real Housewives brawl since Porsha dragged Kenya. What can we say? It’s basically an embarrassment of riches this week.
So, before someone snatches our weave, let’s get to our midweek hit list: The good, the bad and Everything in between. Let’s do some Indexing.
1. Kim Kardashian, Magazine Editor: KK gets to play “Guest Editor” in this week’s People magazine. She promises to color inside the lines.
2. Japan’s Cat Island: Tiny Aoshima Island overrun by an army of cats, who outnumber humans 6-to-1, run the fishing village and do not give a single, solitary fuck. If it weren’t for the Feline AIDS, we would have been there yesterday.
3. Jared Leto Cuts His Hair: After a three-year run that would give Paul Mitchell pause, Leto finally cuts his fabulous ombré locks. The top-knot repercussions alone are far-reaching.
4. Kim Richards on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Sad-eyed lady of Hollywood and Highland teams with Brandi Glanville, turns on sister, rediscovers fire in epic, glass-shattering feud with Lisa Rinna. Either that or she just relapsed again.
5. Benjamin Netanyahu: Israeli PM rattles sabers, receives thunderous applause during much-discussed Congressional address. Barring an appearance on Bravo, we can pretty much guarantee this will be BiBi’s only appearance on “The Everything Index.”
6. Nancy Grace and 2 Chainz: Cable news’ blunt buddies are at it again, only this time Nancy’s chastising Tity Boi for his extravagant rolling papers. Someone just give them their own show already.
7. Independence Day 2: It’s happening, whether you like it or not. Can the aliens at least blow up John Boehner’s house this time?
9. MLS Players Going on Strike: Major League Soccer players threaten walkout after contract talks stall. Just when we were starting to not care about soccer again!
10. That #WeaselPecker Meme: Go home Internet, you’re drunk.