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The First-Ever Photo of a Black Hole Is Making Everyone Horny

“It is a smoke ring framing a one-way portal to eternity.” Sexy!

black hole photo

The first black hole photo, in all its powerful, malevolent, horny glory.

Event Horizon Telescope collaboration et al. via National Science Foundation

On Tuesday, photos of a remarkably fit, tanned Jude Law in a tight white Speedo filming The New Pope hit Twitter. The images prompted an avalanche of horny tweets from users professing their love for the actor; scientists estimated that the Hot Pope photos registered a relatively high 6.6 on the Trudeau/Porowski Scale, the official system for gauging online horniness.

Yet a 6.6 is nothing compared to what followed when scientists at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics released the first-ever close-up photo of a black hole, a cosmic abyss 55 million light-years away. Revealed at a press conference in Washington, D.C., the image is the result of nearly two years of analysis from a network of telescopes called the Event Horizon Telescope,  which were placed at mountaintop observatories in multiple continents around the world. The images are so compelling that they prompted Dennis Overbye of the New York Times to refer to it as “a reminder yet again of the power and malevolence of nature” and “a smoke ring framing a one-way portal to eternity,” a quote so staggeringly horny that it caused the Trudeau-Porowski Scale to temporarily malfunction.

In true horniness-inducing-meme-dissecting fashion, let us start off by discussing what we know about the black hole, and what we don’t: It is called Sagittarius A*. It is located in a galaxy known as Messier 87, it weighs about 7 billion times more than the sun and is 24.8 billion miles wide, and per the NYT, its interests and hobbies include “unleashing a violent jet of energy some 5,000 light-years into space” (weird, but fine) and “[making] matter, space and time….vanish like a dream” (normal, because whom among us hasn’t dated someone who’s done exactly that?).

The release of the images is significant because black holes have been notoriously hard to capture, as the force of gravity inside them is so extreme that not even light can escape the edge, or event horizon. This supermassive black hole is surrounded by swirling, hot dense gas, creating the halo-like effect in the image.

According to Einstein’s theory of general relativity, black holes are the result of too much matter or energy being concentrated in one place, creating a vortex from which nothing, not even matter or light, can escape. The photos of this black hole largely support his theory, and scientists still don’t know what happens to matter when it becomes sucked into a black hole — which honestly, a lot of people would consider a red flag, but not the good people of Twitter.

The black hole is located in Messier 87, which is about 55 million light-years away, so go ahead and change those Hinge location settings if you want to shoot your shot.

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