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10 Dumbest Things Right-Wingers Said in 2014

Facepalm-inducing statements from politicians, pundits and assorted peabrains

Rudy Giuliani, Phil Gingrey, Cliven Bundy and Joni Ernst

Rudy Giuliani, Phil Gingrey, Cliven Bundy and Joni Ernst are just a few of the right-wingers who made jaw-droppingly stupid statements in 2014

Rob Kim/Getty Images, Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images, George Frey/Getty Images,Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

As 2014 comes to a close, the state of our nation is resoundingly marginally less crappy than it’s been in recent memory. Unemployment is below six percent, GDP growth is strong and the stock market is roaring. But in the nuttier recesses of the American right, it was just another 12 months of permanent midnight in Barack Obama’s black nationalist gulag. Obama might be the only person in history who can make rich white assholes hate golf. That alone should be enough to assure him a spot on Mount Rushmore. Yet, his evil genius hardly stopped there. From worse-than-Watergate scandals like Benghazi to his administration’s pro-Ebola health policies to his blanket refusal to admit that the biggest problem facing the African-American community is an insufficient amount of self-disgust, Obama never stopped providing right-wing pundits and politicians with stuff to freak out about. Throw in a slam-dunk mid-term election that turned GOP primaries into cray-cray cutting sessions and this might’ve been the best year ever for the booming industry that is right-wing wrongness. Nice work, gang. Keep dropping those thought bombs.

Jodi Ernst

Jodi Ernst

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Senator-Elect Joni Ernst’s Key Advisors: Smith and Wesson

In 2010 and 2012, Republican candidates like Todd Akin and Sharron Angle submarined their candidacies with extremist right-wing rhetoric. This year the playing field was so tilted in the GOP's favor they could say pretty much any crazy-ass thing and get elected. No one better exemplified this unfortunate electoral reality than Iowa's newest Senator Joni Ernst, who beat her coat hanger of a Democratic opponent despite some downright avant-garde policy positions. Ernst claimed Iraq had WMD and that food pantries would be a good substitute for anti-poverty programs. In one campaign ad she burnished her credentials for office by highlighting her experience castrating pigs on the farm where she grew up – "So when I get to Washington, I'll know how to cut pork," she claimed, which you gotta admit is pretty funny. But her weirdest moment on the trail might've been this little riff on her avid enthusiasm for firearms.     

"I have a beautiful little Smith & Wesson, 9 millimeter, and it goes with me virtually everywhere. But I do believe in the right to carry, and I believe in the right to defend myself and my family – whether it's from an intruder, or whether it's from the government, should they decide that my rights are no longer important."

Mark Walker

Mark Walker

AP Photo/Joseph Rodriguez, News & Record

Mark Walker: Bombs Over Juarez

Congress needs bold new ideas. In terms of dealing with the issue of undocumented immigration, House candidate Mark Walker of North Carolina took outside-the-box brainstorming to a daring new level. At a town hall meeting last June, Walker responded to a questioner who wondered if we might want to use more aggressive military tactics in securing our Southern border:

Walker: Well, my first answer for that is we need to utilize the National Guard as much as we can. But I will tell you, if you have foreigners who are sneaking in with drug cartels, to me, that is a national threat and if we got to go laser or blitz somebody with a couple of fighter jets for a little while to make our point, I don't have a problem with that either. So yeah, whatever you need to do."
Town Hall Moderator: I hope you wouldn't have any qualms about starting up a little war with Mexico.
Walker: Well, we did it before, if we need to do it again, I don't have a qualm about it.

Walker won his race so book your vacation trips to Mexico now, while it's still there.

Renee Ellmers

Renee Ellmers

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Renee Ellmers’ War on Charts

One of this year's weirder congressional races pitted openly gay country singer and former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken, a Democrat, against GOP incumbent Renee Ellmers. The North Carolina district they were vying for was as fire-engine red as they get and Ellmers squashed poor ol' Clay like a Junebug under a cowboy boot. But on the way back to the House of Representatives, she offered some excellent advice to her male colleagues on the importance of packaging complex policies prescriptions in clearer political rhetoric:

"Men do tend to talk about things on a much higher level," Ellmers said. "Many of my male colleagues, when they go to the House floor, you know, they've got some pie chart or graph behind them and they're talking about trillions of dollars and, you know, how the debt is awful and, you know, we all agree with that… We need our male colleagues to understand that if you can bring it down to a woman's level and what everything that she is balancing in her life – that's the way to go."

Phil Gingrey

Phil Gingrey

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Phil Gingrey and His Special Ebola Detection Powers

For many, the surge of undocumented Central American children arriving at our border was a refugee crisis that touched on core human values of charity and kindness, as well as our shared heritage as a nation of immigrants. For others, it was a chance to scare the shit out people with paranoid delusions about drug gangs and Ebola. Representative Phil Gingrey led the charge to raise awareness about this important fake issue. Listen good now – he's a doctor:

"As a physician for over 30 years, I am well aware of the dangers infectious diseases pose. In fact, infectious diseases remain in the top 10 causes of death in the United States… Reports of illegal migrants carrying deadly diseases such as swine flu, dengue fever, Ebola virus and tuberculosis are particularly concerning."