Managing Mental Health: 5 Lessons from the Trenches

If you’re scrolling through social media, you might think everyone is crushing it, especially entrepreneurs. They have a perfect life: all rainbows, sunshine and nine-figure valuations. Each day brings a new deal, a big win and a perfectly crafted LinkedIn/Twitter/Instagram post to celebrate it. But beneath this thin veneer, there is likely a person struggling with everyday life, just like you and me.  

Want to get real for a second? Let’s get real. Starting a company is really challenging. Life is really hard. And all sorts of people are battling every day, even when they seem to be doing great. 

I am sharing my story because I want you to know that it’s OK to have challenges with mental health. It doesn’t diminish who you are or what you’re trying to accomplish. And I want you to know that it’s perfectly normal.

Hello, I’m Dan

Looking back, it’s clear I have struggled with mental health most of my life. But it came sharply into focus when my mother passed away in March 2019. We were very close.

When she died, I was deeply and profoundly shaken from my foundation and have been working ever since to regain my footing.

Toss in a global pandemic, some chronic back pain, an inordinate amount of work stress … and I was really struggling. Normally highly risk-tolerant and outgoing, I became withdrawn, depressed and anxious. 

I have mostly kept this private, sharing only with close friends and family. I was concerned that sharing my mental health challenges would be damaging to my company and my professional brand. I wondered if people would treat me differently.

But as I’ve started to open up and share my experiences, I’ve found many people with similar stories — people who feel alone in their struggles. So I’m here to help normalize these issues. My hope is that sharing my challenges and some things I’ve learned along the way might enable others who are struggling in silence to seek help and open up. Or at the very least, help them feel a little less alone.

A little while ago, on the recommendation of my sister (who just so happens to be a psychology professor at the University of Oregon), I sought help in the form of therapy and psychiatry. These days, I visit my therapist once a week and my psychiatrist twice a month. I am still working through my challenges, but I have a strong network of support around me and I’m profoundly grateful for it. I still feel depressed and anxious at times, but I know I have a safety net. That’s a big deal. 

The Rolling Stone Culture Council is an invitation-only community for Influencers, Innovators and Creatives. Do I qualify?

1. Surround Yourself With Resources and Support

There’s something uniquely valuable about therapy. It’s one thing to talk to friends and family about your struggles — friends and family are great. But it’s an entirely different experience to work with a professional who has no agenda other than to listen and to help you.

Start by taking the very first step towards finding a professional who can walk with you down this path. Ask for therapist referrals from people you trust. Then take the second step by writing emails and making phone calls. It might be tough to find someone you connect with, but don’t get discouraged! There is help out there and it makes a world of difference.

2. Start Where You Are

This one might seem obvious but bear with me. At any moment in time, you are where you are. Think of it like a trail map with a big “YOU ARE HERE” dot on it. You might not want to be there. You might want to be somewhere entirely different. You might feel guilt or regret for past decisions that led you to where you are. But you are where you are in that moment, and you can’t be anywhere else.

Start there and then decide where to go next. 

3. Think More About Managing Than Solving

It’s natural for entrepreneurs to approach problems through the lens of solutions. That’s just what we do. But some things aren’t there to be solved (at least not right away). The process is critical to the progress. There is no magic bullet to break free from depression and anxiety. Instead, work every day to manage your way through it.

4. Embrace All of Life, Even the Hard Parts

This is easier said than done, especially because some of the hard parts are really, really hard. But that’s what makes life, life. The human condition contains multitudes of experiences and you’re going to encounter them all: good, bad and ugly. 

Wrap your arms around the totality of your life. Resisting the hard parts only amplifies the pain.

5. Recognize Resistance and Soften Around It

This one’s a biggie. It’s natural to feel resistance to the hard stuff. We don’t want our loved ones to die. We don’t want to get laid off. We don’t want to have hard conversations. We don’t want to be struggling with our mental health. There are many things we just don’t want in our lives, but they are there all the same.

First step: Observe and recognize the resistance inside of you. No judgment, just observation.

Second step: Don’t fight it. Your instinct may be to resist the resistance, but that won’t get you very far. Instead, try to soften around it. Let the resistance melt away.

Bonus Tip: 

Just be gentle with yourself. This stuff is hard and you’re doing the best you can. 

And lastly, if you are struggling, please know that you are not alone. Feel free to reach out to me on social (I’m easy to find) and I will be happy to be a resource for you and help in any way I can. Life’s hard, but it’s better together. 

If you, or someone you know, is in crisis, here are a couple of free resources available to help 24/7:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 800-273-TALK (8255) to speak with a trained crisis counselor 24/7.

• Crisis Text Line – Text NAMI to 741-741. Connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.