"Get ready to have your dicks blown off" by Rob Corddry, star of Adult Swim's absurdist hospital comedy series Children's Hospital. In an exclusive Rolling Stone video Q&A, the comedic actor tests out his real-life medical knowledge.
Corddry handles his first query – "If a rash suddenly appears in a strange place on my body, what should I do?" – by taking issue with the entire premise. "Impossible question to answer because I don't consider any of the parts on my body 'strange,'" he says. "So if a rash showed up on a strange area, I'd be confused as to what that area is. NEXT!"
As for how to "stop wet dreams"? Corddry thinks this more of a blessing than curse. "You're asking the wrong question," he says. "'How do I continually have wet dreams because I've masturbated from such a young age that I may have only had one, and it was kinda lame? Because if you can still have nocturnal emissions, you're doing A-OK. Good for you."
Elsewhere, the actor diagnoses stomach aches ("Either change your diet or think about breaking up with your girlfriend"), bent penises (the cure depends if your schlong breaks conservative or liberal) and bleeding appendages.
But he saves his most adamant diagnosis for the end: "One piece of advice that I give anyone who asks me for advice – and you can imagine it's a lot of people – I just tell them, 'Look, the solution is subscribe to Rolling Stone's YouTube channel."
The sixth season of Children's Hospital premieres Friday at 11:59 p.m. on Adult Swim.