Before Tom Brady doubled down on his Deflategate naiveté during a Q&A session Thursday night, The Daily Show host Jon Stewart let it be known where he stands on football's latest controversy. In a segment cleverly titled "The Fresh Prince of Ball Air," Stewart sacked Brady and poked fun at Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, who previously spouted in a self-shot video that the only thing deflating were "deez nuts." "[Brady] fucking knew! He knew that the balls were being deflated," Stewart said of the quarterback.
"Tommy, you cheating fuck. Why? You got four Super Bowl rings. You're married to the biggest supermodel in the world. Your beautiful face is a wonder of symmetry, a Platonic ideal of beauty that could survive even the stupidest of haircuts," Stewart said. "But you, my friend, stood up there in one of America's most sacred place — the podium room before Super Bowl week — and you lied to us…I'm glad you're so at ease with your own devious machinations. I can't believe you had, as your friend 'Gronk' so eloquently put it, 'deez nuts' to say that. Why stop at deflating? Why not lace the ball on both sides or, fuck it, just start QB-ing on stilts. How much is enough, Brady?"
While Brady hasn't issued a statement since the contents of the Wells Report were revealed – one New England locker room attendant referred to himself as "the deflator" – he said in a Q&A session Thursday night with sportscaster Jim Gray that his latest Super Bowl victory was "absolutely not" tainted by the Deflategate allegations. Both Patriots owner Robert Kraft and Brady's father have criticized the Wells Report's findings that it was "more probable than not" that the quarterback was "generally aware" of the deflating footballs.
"You're a Patriot, Tom Brady," Stewart concluded. "A team named after this country's most cherished post-9/11 surveillance act. And lemme just say this: We as a country are now gonna be watching your balls like a hawk. And not just those balls; those nuts as well."