Although the final Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer debuted during Stephen Colbert's off-week, the host and self-described "the original Star Wars fan," returned to a galaxy far, far away on Wednesday's Late Show to give his thoughts on the trailer.
The film's final preview didn't reveal too many concrete details regarding the film's under-lock-and-key plot, but Colbert scrutinized each frame of the final trailer and revealed what he believes will happen when the Star Wars saga returns in December. "I am confident I have the definitive guess as to the entire plot of the movie now," Colbert told his audience, adding that while he and director J.J. Abrams are good friends, "he has told me nothing, including what J.J. stands for."
However, Colbert wasn't simply laying the groundwork for some comedy at the expense of sci-fi geeks; he actually unspooled his deep analysis of the trailer. "It has been three decades since the events of the original trilogy," Colbert said. "The dark and mysterious First Order has stepped into the power vacuum once held by the Empire, and the newly named Resistance fights in place of the Rebel Alliance, which has begun a tragic shift to the dark side."
Colbert then gets philosophical about the plot. "It follows that now the new New Hope comes from the very enemy we've been trained to hate. Remember, the Dark Side was never explicitly tied to the Empire. The Force itself exists outside of mere temporal authority structures," Colbert added. "So I predict that dark becomes light, light becomes dark, and the very fabric of the Force is stretched to its limit, as a new generation emerges to tear down the false distinctions of the past and unite all of us." However, the host doesn't bring up some of The Force Awakens' more upsetting rumors.