Watch Ricky Gervais' Hilarious Golden Globes 2016 Monologue

"I want to do this monologue and then go into hiding," the comedian says as he kicks off awards show

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Ricky Gervais opened up the 73rd annual Golden Globe awards with a scathing monologue involving gender inequity in Hollywood, Jeffrey Tambor's testicles and Rolling Stone's own El Chapo story.

The 73rd annual Golden Globe Awards were held in Hollywood on Sunday night, and controversial British comedian Ricky Gervais was back to host the ceremony for the fourth time — his first since he emceed things for three years in a row between 2010 and 2012. Gervais, known for taking vicious swipes at the celebrities in attendance (read our look back at his most f--ked-up Golden Globes jokes), had actually guaranteed that he'd offended too many people to be invited back, but it seems as though the Hollywood Foreign Press Association were keen to have the last laugh.

And, as per tradition, Gervais kicked off this year's edition by burning every bridge in sight, promising that his opening monologue would get him into so much trouble that he would have to go into hiding. "Not even Sean Penn will find me," he laughed, referring to the actor's recent Rolling Stone article about interviewing the notorious Mexican drug kingpin, El Chapo.

With the tone set, Gervais promptly began lobbing grenades at movie stars, their recent work, and even the channel that was broadcasting the event. "NBC is the only network that's fair or impartial," Gervais said of the company that was signing his check for the evening, "because they're the only network with zero nominations."

Gervais also took aim at the tenuous credibility of the shadowy Hollywood Foreign Press Association, a small but influential group of journalists that determines the awards. "Why wouldn't a star want to come get a Golden Globe?" Gervais asked rhetorically. "Particularly if their film company has already paid for it."

Elsewhere on the subject of money, Gervais also took note of the pay gap between men and women in Hollywood, which has been one of the year's biggest topics. After mocking Jennifer Lawrence for demanding equal pay for women ("How the hell could a 25-year-old live on $52 million?"), Gervais cleverly insisted that he was "Getting paid exactly the same as Tina and Amy did for hosting the show last year."

Inevitably, his monologue closed with a reference to Transparent star Jeffrey Tambor's testicles — which are apparently "huge and long" — and a reassuring reminder to the winners that "no one cares about this award as much as you do." 

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