Watch David Letterman Deliver Donald Trump-Themed Top Ten List

Retired late night host makes surprise appearance at Martin Short and Steve Martin's San Antonio performance

David Letterman made a surprise visit to Martin Short and Steve Martin's A Very Stupid Conversation stage show Friday night in San Antonio, and the former Late Show host used the opportunity to gleefully mock beleaguered presidential hopeful Donald Trump. Making his first onstage appearance since retiring with an epic blowout on May 20th, a bearded Letterman expressed regret that his Late Show departure just missed Trump's candidacy, which would have been perfect fodder for late night television.

"I retired and… I had no regrets. None. I was happy. I'll make actual friends. I was complacent, I was satisfied, I was content. And then a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president," Letterman told the Majestic Theatre crowd. "I have made the biggest mistake of my life, I tell you." Letterman then reached into his pocket and produced an envelope. "Every suit I own comes with a Top Ten list," he quipped before sharing "Interesting Facts About Donald Trump."

"Number 10: That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack. Number Nine: During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name," Letterman said as marched through the Trump list, which focused heavily on "that thing on his head." "Number Two: Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans that he's starring in a movie called No Amigos," a nod to Martin and Short's Three Amigos.

Letterman topped off his surprise Top Ten list with, "Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass." As for Letterman's bandleader Paul Shaffer, Short assured the crowd that, "Right now Paul is doing what he's always been meant to do: He's a maître d' in a spaceship."

My San Antonio writes that, in addition to the Trump teasing, Letterman also sat down with Short and Martin to share stories during the unannounced appearance.