Stephen Colbert's criminal situation is getting a bit hairy in the latest episode of "Lunch With Stephen."
In the Wednesday episode, Colbert has decided to pursue a paleo diet to get fit for the show. "Nothing but bush meat from my apiary," he says as he pulls out a sandwich comprised of an ape hand between two buns.
After keeping the bag of money he found on the train — and told his lunch buddy about on Monday — the Late Show host is worried that "the poop is really hitting the fan." Unfortunately, he's not going down alone and is trying to get "our stories straight" about how he acquired the money the cops are searching for.
Colbert is about to go on the run and has left a burner phone in his lunch mate's coat pocket. He holds up a number on a piece of paper — 1-800-726-0944 — that he can be contacted at. The number is active, and features a recording of Colbert pretending that the number leads to a "normal business." "No criminals here!" he exclaims.
Then, the comedian begins stage whispering about how the number is for emergencies only. After the tone, callers can either leave a message or hear a recording of Colbert noting that you are not supposed to leave a message — as he notes in the video as well. The recording ends in the exact same way as each of the episodes, with the host asking, "Are you going to eat those chips?"
On Tuesday, Colbert also launched a new interactive, choose-your-own-adventure game called Escape From the Man-Sized Cabinet, which plays on a running gag from his Late Show podcast. He officially takes over the late-night institution on September 8th.