First up, Republican candidate Rand Paul, whose early campaign gimmicks included a series of viral videos in which he burned and shredded the United States tax code. Taking a page from Paul's "book of heavy-handed metaphors," Colbert dropped a portrait of the Kentucky senator in a toaster and cackled, "Goodbye Rand, you're toast!" But when the picture popped back up unscathed, Colbert winked, "Oh, no, no — there's nothing we can do. He remains whitebred."
Colbert then sent Democratic hopeful Martin O'Malley back to his natural habitat — "Playing sleeveless guitar in a Viagra commercial" — and did away with Republican candidates Mike Huckabee and Jim Gilmore. Colbert harped on Gilmore in particular, who garnered just 12 votes in Iowa: "That's fewer than the members in Chumbawamba," Colbert cracked, later noting, "And that is less than the number of people in Iowa named Jim Gilmore."
Colbert, however, was shocked to learn that Gilmore was still in the race, asking, "Does he know he's still running?"