Pete Davidson considers this past year a "fucking nightmare," due in large part to his borderline personality disorder diagnosis back in December 2016.
In a new interview on the WTF With Marc Maron podcast Monday, Davidson got candid about his mental health issues prior to the diagnosis, and how he had assumed his pot-smoking was the problem.
"I've been a pothead forever,” the Saturday Night Live star said. "Around October [or] September last year, I started having mental breakdowns where I would, like, freak out and then not remember what happened after. Blind rage. I never really did any other drugs, so I was like, 'I'm gonna try to go to rehab. Maybe that’ll be helpful.'"
Once there, Davidson said he gave up weed, but doctors guessed there might actually be a deeper-seated problem at hand.
"They told me there, they're like, 'You might be bipolar,' and I was like, 'OK,'" he recalled. "So they're like, 'We're gonna try you on these meds.' And then I got out [of rehab], and then I started smoking weed again – and I'm on meds."
But any relief Davidson experienced was short-lived. The comedian found himself in the middle of a "really bad mental breakdown" two months later, and he publicly announced that he would undergo treatment to try to shake his pot use, which he still believed to be the problem.
"Just wanted to let you guys know I'm okay," he wrote in a post to Instagram at the time. (His account has since been deleted.) "I know I've kinda been missing, on social media and on the show. I quit drugs and am happy and sober for the first time in 8 years."
By "drugs," Davidson clarified during the podcast Monday, he meant pot. "I should've just said, 'I’m quitting weed,' because now people think I do drugs," he said. "I'm very embarrassed at this point."
Three months after going clean, however, Davidson still felt the same, and was formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having borderline personality disorder, or BPD. As a result, he is taking a new medication geared toward helping him manage his BPD.
"It is working, slowly but surely," he said. "I've been having a lot of problems. This whole year has been a fucking nightmare. This has been the worst year of my life, getting diagnosed with this and trying to figure out how to learn with this and live with this."