"We taped tonight's show yesterday, and since then, kind of a neat story has come out," Colbert said from his "fake office." "Turns out, the FBI has announced they're going to investigate a newly discovered batch of emails related to Hillary Clinton's private server, which at this point has ironically become the world's most public server."
Colbert then explained that the new emails emerged during an investigation into the sexting habits of former New York congressman Anthony Weiner, the (soon-to-be-ex) husband of Clinton aide Huma Abedin. "In a shocking twist, Anthony Weiner's penis might destroy two political careers," Colbert joked.
The latest email scandal – which Clinton said "may not be significant" according to FBI director James Comey – comes just 11 days before Election Day and at a time when accusations of sexual assault severely impacted Donald Trump's poll numbers.
"Truly, for the Clinton campaign, horny men giveth, and horny men taketh away," Colbert said before concluding, "I've just got one thing to ask Hillary Clinton right now: What cursed monkey paw did you wish upon to be President? Just stop touching it! That goes for you too, Anthony Weiner!"