Cowboy hats aren't the only 10-gallon headgear en vogue in Music City. That was the takeaway from last night's Nashville, on an episode with a little bit of sex but not much action. What is Lamar's legal defense going to be? How is Maddie coping with her case of the terrible tweens? Will Deacon ever play another sweet riff? When is Will coming out? When will Jeff Fordham have every artist on the Edgehill Records roster summarily executed? None of these questions were answered, but Scarlett and Avery had hot make-up sex and Juliette boned that talentless British billionaire again. So that's something.
The episode also yielded one of the show's most sidesplitting lines to date: "You know you love big-hat events!" Tandy tells Rayna while goading her sister into attending the uber-upper-crusty Belle Meade polo match. There, the sisters do indeed rock a pair of epically floppy toppers as they saunter among the Stepford wives and do their best to keep up with the Joneses, despite the financial ruin looming over the fourth-generation-wealthy Wyatt Dynasty.
Aside from polo, hobnobbing with potential Highway 65 investors and a sloppy kiss from a new admirer – country superstar Luke Wheeler – there wasn't much happening with cash-poor Rayna last night.
Luke, taking a pathway to Rayna's heart through her vanity, extends an offer to open his next tour to Scarlett, the lone artist on Rayna's vanity label. So, maybe RayRay won't have to launch a Kickstarter to keep Highway 65 afloat after all. Otherwise, single-dimension Luke still has no backstory. Seriously, this character could drown after being set on fire and we'd have no reason to care.
New money be damned, Juliette also scores an invitation to the polo match. Problem is, the invite comes courtesy of Charles Wentworth – the self-loathingly highfalutin British billionaire who paid Jules a cool mil to play his anniversary party then slept with her and bought her a fancy car.
Not only that, dude is, like, way into polo – like, Ginger Baker into polo. But he's even more into Juliette. And by episode's end he literally, physically gets way into Juliette in a hotel room. But not before Jules, Charles and his entourage of sycophants bond over the cutest horse-stable sing-along you ever saw. Unfortunately for Jules, Charlie's crazy-eyed wife Olivia walks in on the clandestine couple in the act.
Hasn't Juliette already dealt with enough murder-suicide for one soap opera? Maybe not? Olivia's face totally has murder-suicide written all over it as she quietly sneaks out of the room unnoticed. Actually, Olivia probably won't let Jules off that easy. I predict a public shaming is in order.
In another part of town, Scarlett awkwardly walks in on Avery and Gunnar mid writing sesh. Gunnar bails on cue and Scarlett hits up Avery (once the dumbest fuck in Nashville) for some mentoring. Soon they are lovers once more. Meanwhile, Zoey breaks the "girl code" and starts going steady with Gunnar, who's getting less boyishly charming with every episode.
Showcasing for the Music City press, Scarlett sings her pretty ditty "Every Time I Fall in Love" for a transfixed Bluebird crowd. With all the cuts between Scarlett on stage and lustily hypnotized Gunnar and Avery in the audience (laying the subtext on a little thick much?), it's simply amazing how such a big elephant can fit in such a small room.
Unfortunately, once again, no Deacon drama last night! No deliciously disastrous falls of the wagon for the Deke? No storming off some arena stage to sulk? No nights in jail or fistfights with Teddy? The fuck, Nashville? That's like Garth Brooks leaving "Friends in Low Places" out of the set list for two shows in a row! Deacon's smitten with his new lawyer lass Megan, who makes all his demons melt away. In other words, Megan's gotta go.
And lastly, in a minute-long scene of lazy exposition, we finally see Teddy do some mayoring. At a press conference plugging the Music City Music Festival (think Bonnaroo, but with Juliette headlining), Teddy buries his lede and slips in a mention that he's marrying Peggy in a private ceremony next week. Does that mean Peggy's for-real pregnant now?
Previous recap: The Voice Is Back