Stephen Colbert congratulated America for surviving Donald Trump's first 100 days as president on Friday's Late Show. "After this, we can not bring him back to the store without a receipt," the host said.
"Maybe the president hasn't gotten a lot done in his first 100 days, but you know who has? America," Colbert continued. "Congratulations, you did it. First of all, we survived a Trump presidency for 100 days. I don't know about you, but I did not have that in the office pool."
Colbert then reviewed all the great things that have happened during Trump's presidency: Both Moonlight and La La Land won Best Picture at the Oscars, Bill O'Reilly was fired from Fox News and Americans have routinely filled the streets to march in support of science and women's rights.
"The point is, a lot has been done in the first 100 days of the Trump presidency, just none of it by him," Colbert said.
Colbert's opening monologue also tackled the constant, anonymous leaks flowing out of the White House and the hilarious viral campaign to flood the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement's phone lines with reports of space aliens and not illegal aliens.
"And half of those were from Reince Priebus calling to report Steve Bannon," Colbert quipped. "He kind of looks like Vincent D'Onofrio from Men in Black in the ill-fitting man suit."