13. Morty Seinfeld
Best-known episode: "The Wizard"
Like his son, Morty Seinfeld is a man devoted to his gripes and grievances. A retired raincoat salesman — he invented the beltless trenchcoat — Morty now lives in Florida, where he sometimes serves as president of his condo board. (Even if Jack Klompus accuses him of sleeping on the job more than Ronald Reagan.) He's all furrowed eyebrows and shrugging shoulders, the essence of human exasperation. Given a Wizard computer organizer, Morty just uses it to calculate 12.4 per cent tips. ("The service was slow, and God forbid they should refill the water.") Barney Martin was a real-life New York City cop for 20 years before going Hollywood — in 1967 he played Goering in Mel Brooks' The Producers. He died in 2005 at 82. Morty's a man who knows the fundamental truths about America — as he proudly tells Jacobo Peterman, "Cheap fabric and dim lighting. That's how you move merchandise." ROB SHEFFIELD