Playing hateable superagent Ari Gold on HBO's "Entourage," you've been the breakout star. What can we expect from the new season?
How do I say it without sounding pretentious? The locations are splashier, the writing's better, and I have more to do. I go to therapy with my wife, and it's a complete train wreck. Like a Japanese fucking bullet train smashing into Lindsay Lohan.
Your character is the biggest prick in Hollywood, yet he's totally whipped by his wife.
She runs the whole fucking game. She wears the pants, she extracts my testicles, staples them to the wall and barks until my head explodes. Then I staple my balls back on, put on my Dolce & Gabbana and I'm back to being a wrecking ball during the day. I hope you got that - that was a good rant.
You sounded just like your character. Ever tell someone to "Stop acting cunty"?
I've never said the word "cunty" in real life. I don't say the c-word or the n-word, but everything else is fair game.
Do people mistake you for Ari on the street?
Well, I was sitting with [real Hollywood superagent] Ari Emmanuel at the Hard Rock in Vegas, and we were being served by these two bikini-clad lasses. He bursts out, "I'm the real Ari! I'm the real Ari!" They looked at him like he had Tourette's. I said, "He assumes you've seen Entourage, but the smart money says you girls don't have cable." They said, "We don't, but we loved you in Old School!"
So you don't get treated like a big star?
You know, one moment someone's going to be celebrating you really hard, the next they're kicking you out of your table so Simon Rex and eleven kids can sit down in your place. I'm just this guy from Chicago who grew up on the stage. I'm not a pretty boy that was plucked eleven minutes ago from Des Moines, Iowa, and I'm on The O.C. wearing puka-shell necklaces. I'm not that guy, for the love of Christ.
You were a big John Kerry supporter. How did you spend election night?
Cowering in the corner in the fetal position with my eyes bleeding, looking at the results and knowing that we have indeed been duped again....
You're also a very big hip-hop fan. So, Biggie or Tupac?
Biggie's cadence is so beautiful that he could rap about grabbing a bitch's purse and it would sound like Shakespeare. And Tupac was just scratching the surface of his talent. Isn't he in a basement in Atlanta with two turntables and a mike right now?
You've had some pretty hot girls on the show. How does Jessica Alba stack up?
Jessica is an eleven with a bullet. She's really a cool, savvy, self-empowered chick. She's other-worldly. And whoever's on her arm right now better realize how lucky he is. That's like letting Cleopatra go, back in the day. Are you kidding me? Wars will be fought, my friend. Do not stray. Do not let go. Stay focused. Stay focused!