Finally, the Rock has come back to Raw.
The Great One made his triumphant return to WWE television last night, hijacking a segment of the three-hour broadcast meant (in theory) to promote his appearance at April's WrestleMania 32 – and though he never actually said what he'd be doing at the show, it hardly mattered.
Instead, the Rock rolled up to Miami's American Airlines Arena in a muscled-up truck, ego enflamed, and proceeded to make his way to the ring, taking breaks to diss former foe the Big Show's career choices, hang out with his good pal Rick Ross and mack on Lana (who happened to be one of his favorite targets the last time he was on the show). Not even Lana's real-life fiancé Rusev could stop the Rock from spitting game…though eventually, the People's Champ decided it was time to address the people themselves.
So he made his way out to the ring, basking in the adoration of the Miami crowd and making sure to hold up "The U" in honor of his college football days as a member of the Miami Hurricanes. And then, after dropping a few catchphrases and making fun of WWE announcer Byron Saxton (the Rock claimed he couldn't remember his name) the Hollywood star decided to go off script, sending the show's tightly constructed schedule off the rails, and no doubt giving WWE chairman Vince McMahon – a notorious control freak who watches the show backstage and barks orders to performers through his headset – something very close to a heart attack.
The Rock left the ring and gave the microphone to some fans in the front row who were dressed as old-school wrestlers – including "Macho Man" Randy Savage, early era Undertaker and Hulk Hogan…a guy whose very name has basically been banned by WWE ever since he was fired for using racial slurs last summer.
Then, perhaps sensing things were getting a tad loose, the Rock returned to the ring – only to be interrupted by the New Day, WWE's catchphrase-spouting Tag Team Champions, who are awesome and wasted no time in accusing the Rock of no longer watching WWE programming. That elicited a stern response from the wrestling icon, who, OK, well he basically accused the New Day of wearing "llama penises" on their head (they're Unicorn Horns, but whatever). That had the crowd chanting along, and the members of the New Day repeatedly uttering "Penises" on WWE's normally PG-rated program. The whole thing kind of devolved even further from there – the Rock's cousins, the Usos, got involved – but for like 20-plus minutes last night, the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment basically returned Raw to the Attitude Era, and made for train wreck TV in the process.
Dude's still got it.