This isn’t the greatest reflection on our country’s collective intelligence, but let’s instead spin it as a testament to the unquenchable hope of the human spirit — after this ad for Nuveen investments aired, featuring a CGI-enhanced Christopher Reeve suddenly walking due to future research in spine surgery, the network’s lines were flooded by viewers wondering if it was true. Man, are we dumb.

Ah, those heady days before lawyers ruined everything and stopped cute cartoony spokesanimals from encouraging children to drink and smoke. Bud Light’s Spuds McKenzie may not have been funny or terribly innovative, but man, you just couldn’t keep the bitches off him. (Well, her, in real life. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Admittedly, we’re kind of cheating by including an ad that most people haven’t seen yet. But that hasn’t avoided a storm of controversy, as the National Restaurant Association has already declared this Nationwide Insurance spot offensive to Fry-Slinging Americans everywhere…as if any of them don’t spend every nanosecond of their dead-end shifts dreaming of a better, less minimum-wage-driven future. And the brilliantly succinct line “Federline! Fries!” is
certainly more deserving of immortality than drivel like “That’s hot.”