Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love Bus, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” in our recaps. Here’s our take on episode 12, the grand finale:
Sixty Minutes of Rockin’ Reality in Two Sentences: The battle of the Penthouse Pet vs. the Girl Next Door came to an end as Bret Michaels flew his two final women — Taya and Mindy — on a “private jet” to the “Dominican Republic” (his quotation marks for some unknown reason, not ours) for two final dates and one big decision. Bret tangoed with a mostly mute Mindy and Ziplined with a suddenly demure Taya (yes, he shouted “Hey-oh!” as he plunged through the jungle) and the girls got fitted for engagement rings …
Hey-Oh!: Though Mindy accidentally walked herself into double-entendre at the end of her date (Bret: “I’m just testing the waters”; Mindy: “You’ve tested a lot of my waters”), Taya had more “romantic time” with herself than with Bret, jetting at the end of her date in violation of all reality-show rules.
The Most Ridiculous Part: Michaels seems to have a sense that Taya was really into promoting Penthouse on the show (”What’s next, she’s going to wear a shirt with Penthouse across her breasts?”) yet can’t seem to connect the brain cells to his mouth to do something about it. “Just because I seem too good to be true, doesn’t mean I am,” Taya says. She also “completely lost 99.9 percent of the respect that I had for [Mindy]” after Mindy’s date. Has she never seen Rock of Love before? Scratch that, has she never seen any footage of Poison from the Eighties before? (We’ve got Poison photos right here.)
The Rockin’ Send-Off: Bret wore a bright red bandanna and a chest sunburn to match as he chose between the funk and the flack. As everyone knows, getting called first to the finale of a dating show is bad news, and Mindy was summoned first. Telling her he really wants to remain friends (what, like him and Heather?), Bret sent Mindy away and told Taya that he wasn’t going to fork over the engagement ring just yet — but he’d picked her to be his Rock of Love (3). And after 12 weeks, and 23 girls, it’s over. Mindy certainly deserved to sing our beloved “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” but instead called Bret a “standard jerk in a rock-star uniform.” Taya wept and couldn’t find out a way to wedge “Penthouse” into the final two seconds of the show, but we’re sure we’ll be hearing from her again. Looking forward to her appearance as a special judge on Rock of Love 4!
Want more Rock of Love? Click here to check out all our Rock of Love coverage, including our exclusive interview with Bret Michaels right here in the Rolling Stone offices, where he dished the dirt on the ladies of the first season.
Previously on Rock of Love Bus:
• Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love Bus Hits the Road, Debauchery Ensues
• Bret Michaels Hosts a Trashy Mass Wedding on “Rock of Love Bus”
• A Hockey Game Turns Bret Michaels’ Ladies Crazy on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Snoozes While the Girls Stir Up Drama in Chicago on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Adds Three new Smoking Hot Hotties to “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels’ Girls Hits the Mud for Dirtiest “Rock of Love Bus” Yet
• Bret Michaels Loses Girls to Intoxication, Rational Thought on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Test the Ladies’ Motherly Instincts, Alcohol Tolerance on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Brings Back Heather and Ambre on a “Rock of Love Bus” With an “American Idol” Twist
• Bret Michaels’ Ladies Sing and Squabble on Rock of Love Bus
• Bret Michaels Picks a Taya-Mindy Showdown for Rock of Love Bus Finale

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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.