Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love Bus, while Rock Daily searches for ways to say “speed bump” in our recaps. Here’s our take on episode seven:
Sixty Minutes of Rockin’ Reality in Three Sentences: After another week off (this time it was the Oscars), Bret’s girls head to Alabama to compete in the Truck Stop Games. Events include a beer-belly flop, a stripper-pole showdown and some sort of hotdog hand-off (not as dirty as it sounds). When the truckers judging the contest make a slightly unfair, boob-related ruling in favor of the Green Team, Bret takes the runners-up onto his bus for some special alone time that gets so icky thanks to Ashley, new recruit Kami splits the next morning.
Hey-Oh!: Penthouse Pet of the Year Taya derides the other gals who are strippers. And yet when she competes in the Games, the always observant Farrah notes, “What the … Taya’s really comfortable with that stripper pole. Wait a minute … you didn’t learn that just now! That (bleep) is a stripper!”
The Most Ridiculous Part: After their amusement-park date, Kelsey and Farrah get so wasted on their way to Bret’s show that Big John has to toss them from the VIP area due to excessive sluttiness. Didn’t think that was possible, did you? Kelsey, distraught and drizzunk, cries while laying down on a speed bump.
The Rockin’ Send-Off: Farrah, Ashley and Kelsey are almost too intoxicated to attend the elimination ceremony (”Listen, I can’t even spell elimination. I don’t even know where I am,” quoth Ashley), but only one of them pays for it: Kelsey. “Yeah, sometimes I get drunk on lay on speed bumps … apparently Bret can’t handle a girl who gets drunk and lays on speed bumps.”
Want more Rock of Love? Click here to check out all our Rock of Love coverage, including our exclusive interview with Bret Michaels right here in the Rolling Stone offices, where he dished the dirt on the ladies of the first season.
Previously on Rock of Love Bus:
• Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love Bus Hits the Road, Debauchery Ensues
• Bret Michaels Hosts a Trashy Mass Wedding on “Rock of Love Bus”
• A Hockey Game Turns Bret Michaels’ Ladies Crazy on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Snoozes While the Girls Stir Up Drama in Chicago on “Rock of Love Bus”
• Bret Michaels Adds Three new Smoking Hot Hotties to “Rock of Love Bus”

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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.