Photo:Becker/FOX

If hosting American Idol auditions in Jacksonville, Florida, is enough of an excuse for the show to run vintage footage of be-fro’d Randy Jackson slapping his bass with Journey while “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” plays, we’re fine with that. There was so little talent in the Sunshine State, Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi stooped to fake-kissing during an audition to drum up a little drama. If they wanted real fireworks they could have played Vampire Weekend’s “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” a little longer (it popped up as segue music) and asked indie rockers whether that meant the New York band has sold out. Well, have they?

The judges handed out a scant 16 yellow passes to Hollywood Week. Here’s a quick rundown:

Ones to Watch:

• The judges send away DioGuardi fan Ann Marie Boskovitch and tell her to come back “as a different person.” Somehow makeup and new shoes make her version of Colbie Caillat’s dry “Bubbly” awesome. (Hint: she was also awesome before the bogus makeover.)

• Repeat auditioner T.K. Hash riffs all over (and botches the lyrics on) “Imagine,” but it’s soulful enough to sell. The judges say it’s okay to let a great melody be — hey, how come nobody told David Archuleta he was over-riffing on John Lennon’s masterpiece?

Meh:

• Julissa Veloz wants to rep for the Latinas. The show undermines her efforts by blasting “Hot Hot Hot” when she gets her golden ticket. That helps.

• Joshua Ulloa likes it when people compare him to Justin Guarini.

• Sharon Wilbur’s shitzu, Sasha (Fierce?) sat on Simon’s lap while she gulped Karen Carpenter’s “Superstar.”

• Jasmine Murray is “cute,” “commercial” and willing to nasally sing Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry.”

Ones to Wipe From Your Memory With Bleach:

• Beardo physics student George Ramirez could be a member of Fleet Foxes. Or a bobblehead.

• Naomi Sykes’ first mistake: comparing herself to Mariah Carey (”So you’re a talented loony,” Simon says. Zing!). Second mistake: Having her friend sit on Randy’s lap (which leads to an awkward lap-a-thon that puts Ryan Seacrest on Kara DioGuardi). Third mistake: singing Minnie Riperton’s “Loving You,” a song that shouldn’t be sung, ever.

Thanks for the Memories:

• Michael Perrelli never leaves the house without his guitar or Bret Michaels’ bandanna. He sings Third Eye Blind’s “Jumper” sans six-string and gets the boot, then brushes off his consoling mom with a snotty “Don’t touch me.” That’s the part of this that embarrasses you?

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