Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love Bus, while Rock Daily searches for ways to say “poop” in our recaps (it’s surprisingly easy). Here’s our take on episode four:

Sixty Minutes of Rockin’ Reality in Three Sentences: Is Bret Michaels trying to find “love” or is this show an elaborate plot to knock off women in vinyl underwear? This week Maria exits via ambulance and Taya takes a spill off the stage during the Roadie Challenge that looks damn near deadly. But the real kicker is that all the real dirty drama goes down at Michaels’ gig’s afterparty … that Bret is too pooped to attend — so much for being a real rock & roller!

Hey-Oh!: The team of ladies that packs up a stage and gear the fastest gets to booze it up onstage and prance around nearly topless as VIPs during Bret’s Chicago show. Hope there wasn’t anyone under 18 there! Oh, who are we kidding, there was nobody under 38 at the gig.

The Most Ridiculous Part: While Bret snoozes after his set, the girls get wasted with his band, who don’t look anything like the dudes in Poison. Ashley spies Beverly kissing Michael’s mohawked drummer and wigs out. Of course, 10 minutes later Ashley describes her condition like this: “People puke and they poop their pants.” When Bret confronts Beverly after his night of beauty rest, he says if she had a dinner party he wouldn’t make out with her friends — seriously dubious logic, bro. Aren’t you kissing 10 women of unknown cleanliness every day?

The Rockin’ Send-Off: Marcia the lush tells Bret she’s not in love or lust with him because she doesn’t know him: “It’s pretty hard to have a connection with somebody when yo don’t even talk to them — or when you do you don’t even remember.” Michaels’ response: “I think the only way we get to lust is by smearing my body in tequila and Doritos.” Hey-o! But she seals her fate by passing the gift Bret gave the VIP girls to a fan in the front row, and gets booted from the bus while Debbie Downer Mindy (who frowned her way through Bret’s show) and Beverly get a second chance.

Want more Rock of Love? Click here to check out all our Rock of Love coverage, including our exclusive interview with Bret Michaels right here in the Rolling Stone offices, where he dished the dirt on the ladies of the first season.

Previously on Rock of Love Bus:

• Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love Bus Hits the Road, Debauchery Ensues
• Bret Michaels Hosts a Trashy Mass Wedding on “Rock of Love Bus”
• A Hockey Game Turns Bret Michaels’ Ladies Crazy on “Rock of Love Bus”