Photo: Becker/FOX
It was the night of a million horse-racing metaphors as the American Idol auditions hit Louisville’s Churchill Downs, the home of the Kentucky Derby. Yes, Randy Jackson put on a flouncy Derby hat and that was sadly the highlight of the hour-long episode. You know you’re in for trouble when the most dramatic moment in the teasers involves a nerd sipping out of Paula Abdul’s straw. The judges were so desperate to beef, they tried to spin poor Mark Mudd’s farewell comment (”Be careful”) into a threat. A threat? That’s what grandmothers say when they bid you goodbye. And Ryan Seacrest once again left us with a deep thought: “Behind every cloud is a silver lining — or at least a golden ticket.” Even grandmothers don’t say crap like that.
There were 11,000 hopefuls and the judges handed out 19 yellow passes to Hollywood Week. Here’s a quick rundown:
Ones to Watch:
• Does anyone believe Kara DioGuardi just happened to recognize Joanna Pacitti? (”Weren’t you on A&M Records?”). Pacitti (i.e. this year’s Carly Smithson) belted Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” and wept her way through the congratulations.
• Piano man Matt Giraud sings with soul and grit — and reminds Simon of Elliott Yamin.
• Twenty-one-year-old mom Alexis Grace is a small blonde with enough voice to rock Aretha Franklin’s “Dr. Feelgood.” If only she’d done the Motley Crue version …
• Tear-jerker Leneshe Young grew up homeless, but that hasn’t dampened her humor: her (not bad!) original song included the lyric “I like your thuggish ways.” The show loved her too: they played Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway” after her audition.
Meh:
• Brent Keith Smith sang Bad Company and has a bright personality, but his audition is memorable thanks to this comment from Kara to Paula: “Let’s both go down.”
Ones to Wipe From Your Memory With Bleach:
• Rebecca Garcia’s rendition of Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” was bad, but not bad enough to warrant DioGuardi’s attempt at Simon humor (”That was a joke, right?”).
• After Tiffany Shedd was dismissed for attempting Mariah in a gulpy, deep voice, she sang to the cameras and her mom grooved to horrendous racket. Then she had the first official Angry Contestant Temper Tantrum of the year.
Thanks for the Memories:
• “Woo” boy Aaron Williamson, who showed up to become “America’s Next Top Model.” His Creedance song was so enthusiastic, Paula broke her ring.
• The aforementioned, twitchy Mark Mudd almost died five times and is related to the doctor that repaired John Wilkes Booth’s leg.
• The aforementioned harmless nerd, Ross Plavsic, did something mathy with Chinese characters and has been studying opera greats’ soft palates. Maybe he’d like to teach anatomy girl from the San Fran auditions how to pronounce “trachea.”
Related Stories:
• American Idol Finds Little Talent in San Fran
• American Idol Finds Soulful Singers in David Cook’s Hometown
• American Idol Returns With New Judge DioGuardi, Zen Mantra, Cavalcade of Meh Singers

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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.