Every week Poison frontman Bret Michaels searches for a worthy life partner on Rock of Love Bus, while Rock Daily searches for ways to reference “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” in our recaps. Here’s our take on episode one:
Ninety Minutes of Rockin’ Reality in Three Sentences: In the most clever move recorded in reality television, Bret Michaels figures out how to combine his day job with his side hustle, taking 20 women on the road to vie for his attention while his band continues to tour the States — yes, Rock of Love has gone mobile! In episode one, Michaels does his usual bit: snaps photos of the ladies, then watches them drink and fight. Though one of his delicate flowers takes a test-tube shot where no test-tube shot has ever gone before. …
Hey-Oh!: Gia who “loves to get the party started” tests the censors by hopping up on the bar and … “I can’t show you exactly what happened right here,” Bret says, “but for 21 years of me being on the road and the three seasons of Rock of Love — wow. … Thank God alcohol kills 99 percent of all germs.” No wonder Melissa soon complains, “Everyone’s acting crazy and whorish.” But quote of the week goes to Taya: “I’m a centerfold model for Penthouse and I’m the classiest one here at this point!” It’s funny because it’s true.
The Most Ridiculous Part: Brazilian trainwreck Marcia scarfs down a dozen tequila shots, pukes her guts out, then emerges and kisses Bret. “It tasted just like Doritos, tequila and some other familiar taste I just can’t put my finger on.” Uh … yeah, that’s just disgusting.
The Rockin’ Send-Off: Bret opts to keep aging porn star Brittaney and Marcia (even though she choked a fellow contestant who, let’s be real, needed some choking). So it’s farewell to quiet Heather, Stephanie and Marcy, as well as wild child Gia and WTF Nikki.
Want more Rock of Love? Click here to check out all our Rock of Love coverage, including our exclusive interview with Bret Michaels right here in the Rolling Stone offices, where he dished the dirt on the ladies of the first season.

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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.