Photo: Winter/Getty
After what seemed like several years of hype but no real buzz, the day is finally here. Welcome to the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards live blog. Tonight’s show poses many questions: Will America fully embrace Russell Brand? What brand of hot pants will the Pussycat Dolls be wearing? What terrible reality show will get the most plugs? And what the hell will Britney be doing? Scroll down and stay tuned in for what promises to be a less painful ride than it was 365 days ago (we hope).
• Photo Gallery: Britney Spears, Lil Wayne, Rihanna and More at the 2008 Video Music Awards
• Who the Hell is VMAs Host Russell Brand?
8:53: We haven’t been watching the pre-show (because we don’t want to have a collective stroke), but who is the guy who looks like Casey Affleck and taking shots at T-Pain?
8:56: No matter what Britney does four minutes from now, she’ll be hard pressed to outdo the elephant in that ad for the VMAs.
9:01: Guh. It looks like Britney’s ability to bring the show to a grinding halt hasn’t waned. When was the last time you saw Jonah Hill bomb at anything?
9:03: Man, Britney is a terrible actress. If we wanted to see someone’s bad acting, we’d be watching Turtle butcher the script on the season premiere of Entourage right now. That being said, she hasn’t looked that great in a long time.
9:05: Are the VMAs in a high school gymnasium this year? This looks like our prom — zombies and all.
9:07: Rihanna comes out to confuse people rather tepidly (despite the awesome White Stripes reference in the breakdown). You know, for all the junk Britney took last year, that performance wasn’t much better (despite the zombies).
9:10: Slash looks like he needs a drink. We know how he feels. Also, he’s starting to look like some biker’s grandma — not a good look for a badass.
9:12: Russell Brand comes off like a weird synthesis of Austin Powers and Steven Tyler. That’s a combination that looks way better on paper. Also, we wish he would never mention the Jonas Brothers’ genitals again.
9:14: Did he just try to tell a joke involving Madonna getting penetrated by a baseball bat? This is probably the most awesome bomb performance we’ve ever seen.
9:17: is Joe Jonas looking like John Stamos on purpose?
9:19: Britney wins Best Female for the first time. Not for nothing, but “Touch My Body” got robbed.
9:21: In a battle of wits between Pete Wentz and Speidi, does a black hole open up? Props to the tux, though.
9:23: DJ AM and Travis Barker, available soon for Bar Mitzvahs and Sweet Sixteens.
9:27: Is that really Demi Moore? Maybe someone at MTV misread the memo. They really wanted Demi Lovato — she certainly wouldn’t have forgotten her mike.
9:29: Chris Brown wins Best Male. Weezy got robbed, and Brown concurs.
9:30: Russell Brand looks like he can see people changing the channel.
9:31: So because the Jonas Brothers appeal to young people, they have to perform on the set of Sesame Street?
9:33: STAMPEDE! Also, is “Love Bug” a euphemism for VD? Because that’s seriously inappropriate.
9:34: WAIT! Are we really doing this “We’re only going to show you 40 seconds of a performance” thing again? Not that we want to see Katy Perry ruin a Madonna song, but that was a pretty awesome banana dress.
9:40: Michael Phelps has gotten the biggest reaction of the night. The dude won eight gold medals — why does he look so nervous?
9:42: It’s really cruel to make Weezy walk down those stairs while he spits. Also, why is Leona Lewis mangling the Animals? We think we liked her slightly better when she called herself Alicia Keys.
9:44: Story: T-Pain was in the Rolling Stone office a few weeks ago to play his new record, and he was wearing one of those hats around. So it’s not just a costume — it’s a lifestyle.
9:45: Weezy’s pretty much killing it, and Kobe Bryant LOVES IT.
9:47: For a second there, we thought that the group that brought us “Camel Toe” had won the award for best dance crew. Now we’re disappointed.
9:49: Are we sure these are actually the Pussycat Dolls? These women are fully clothed. Does it seem like the Pussycat Dolls exist just to win these awards? Also, they love the troops. That should help post-traumatic stress disorder!
9:53: Just a reminder: While you’re reading this or watching the show, you could be watching the great Kyle Orton leading the Chicago Bears to victory.
9:56: Are they really making Danity Kane count text votes? Because if that’s true, that’s awesome. Also: They’re sitting down, and they’re still towering over Pete Wentz.
9:58: And now welcome the stars of a movie you won’t get to see for three months! This show needs more real vampires.
9:59: With Katy Perry’s dress and Hayley Williams’ pants, is yellow the new black?
10:00: We have to assume the people who wandered over to the Whiskey tonight to see a Warrant cover band are seriously confused.
10:03: Oh, so Paramore were in the studio all along? That was poorly executed and not terribly interesting — an apt metaphor for most of this show’s first hour.
10:05: Brand is sort of a mess and none of the performances have been stellar (save for Lil Wayne), but this is much, much better than last year’s show so far.
10:09: Does this mean that Shia Labeouf is the next singer for Velvet Revolver?
10:10: Linkin Park win for Best Rock Video for a song that sounds EXACTLY like “With Or Without You.” Joe Hahn thought Transformers was awesome. He’s wrong.
10:13: Pink does all her own stunts! That toss through the sugar glass was pretty sweet, and this song is definitely great. However, we’re pretty certain MTV will have to blur out her nipples in subsequent broadcasts. Actually, are they blurring them in real time?
10:22: McLovin should totally join Slipknot full time. Also, nothing says Best Hip-Hop Video like metalheads from Iowa.
10:25: Lil Wayne takes the prize for “Lollipop.” As one of the commenters mentioned: He can’t afford a belt? Also, we’re big Weezy fans, but we’re still not entirely sure what a “Static Major” is.
10:27: T.I. deserves better than to have to rap his way through a high school production of Guys and Dolls.
10:30: Rihanna’s back! And she didn’t even get a costume change! She had well over an hour — Madonna does those things in about 40 seconds. That being said, T.I. is nailing this, and Professor Lupe Fiasco concurs with his findings!
10:32: We haven’t mentioned it yet, but the idea of the house band being a guy drumming along to some guy’s iTunes playlist is remarkably odd. We hope Travis Barker cashed a huge check. Sidebar: Haven’t these “Real World/Road Rules Challenges” gotten seriously dull since the Miz left to join WWE? (A nod to anyone who needs the info: The Miz did not win the ECW championship tonight).
10:37: Corbin Bleu looks like the love child of Lionel Richie and Adam Duritz. Bummer for that kid.
10:39: Wait, has Christina Aguilera has assumed Rihanna’s “Umbrella” identity? This lip sync job gives Britney’s “Gimme More” performance a run for its money as the worst in VMAs history. Also, did she just put on a cape?
10:41: She did! She put on a cape! Finally something to cover her ridiculous camel toe.
10:43: Wait, is flopping Russell Brand’s whole schtick? Because if it is, that makes him the British Norm Macdonald.
10:44: Tokio Hotel win Best New Artist. In a contest based on text messaging, was there ever any doubt?
10:49: LL Cool J. Legend. Innovator. About to come out with his best album in a decade. Not allowed to play on the main show. Is there no justice in the universe?
10:53: Paris Hilton overcomes her illiteracy to give the Best Pop Video to Britney Spears. She’s tonight’s Martin Scorsese: She’s done better work, but it’s been a weak year, you know?
10:55: Lupe Fiasco. Incredible MC. Innovator. Entertainer. Best live act in hip-hop. Dressed like the maitre’d on a cruise ship. Not allowed to play the main show. LL knows your pain, Lupe.
10:59: Drake and Josh introduce Kid Rock. Kid Rock is also having a Martin Scorsese sort of year (i.e., “All Summer Long” is by far the worst single of the man’s career, but it’s inexplicably his biggest).
11:03: Like Batman, Weezy swoops in to save this song. He doesn’t really succeed. Also, if Ian Curtis was still alive, this would certainly give him fits.
11:10: Kobe gets to give away Video of the Year? He only got one gold medal; Phelps has eight! Has anybody had a career rebound better than Kobe Bryant? That dude is now officially bulletproof. R. Kelly should retain him as legal council in the future.
11:12: In what would be considered a minor upset if people got upset over these things, Britney Spears wins Video of the Year, completing our Scorsese metaphor. Who is that guy Britney is sitting next to? UPDATE: We didn’t recognize Britney manager Larry Rudolph. He looks like Lorenzo Lamas missed a Botox appointment.
11:13: New Kanye song! It’s AutoTune-tastic! Is that the Blue Man Group?
11:15: Kanye appears to be paying back Daft Punk — expect them to sample this about 20 minutes after this goes off the air. Aren’t those drummers the same people that killed Luke Skywalker’s uncle?
11:17: Russell Brand sends us off, saying the winner was ultimately, uh, “love.” We’re pretty sure who the losers were. We’re tired, sweaty and pretty confused, so thus ends the 2008 VMA live blog. This was definitely a step up from last year, but it’s certainly a baby step. Stay tuned for further wrap-ups from the after-parties, plus behind the scenes photos and videos from the night’s festivities.

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