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Reality Show Recap: “Rock the Cradle” Goes Bankrupt

4/11/08, 1:25 pm EST

Each week on MTV’s Rock the Cradle, the sons and daughters of musical icons compete for the sort of exposure they would have received anyway on the basis of their DNA. Rock Daily sorts through the nepotistic wreckage.

Children’s Story: After a quick recap of last week’s mess, we got a peek at last week’s after-party, which mostly involved Jesse Snider talking about how boring Crosby Loggins is (he was not wrong). Ryan Devlin welcomes us back for another round, promising that though everybody rehearsed a song for this week, the contestant voted off won’t get a sendoff, which seems sort of harsh. Everybody got a secondary storyline this week, and the personal struggles range from personal (Chloe Lattanzi went through a bad breakup) to professional (A’Keiba Burrell-Hammer has trouble learning dance moves from her dad) to banal (Snider argues with him mom over the tightness of his pants). After nearly an hour of teasing it, Jesse Money got the boot, thankfully relieving us of any more shots of Eddie Money trying to look cool.

Baby Geniuses: It was “Parent’s Choice” week, so each mom or dad got to choose their offspring’s performance. Snider gained top scores (and thus is protected next week) with a shouty, mohawked version of Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell.” Though the band still seems confused by her, Lattanzi rebounded well with a pretty intense version of “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace (there’s no way Olivia Newton-John has ever heard of that band). This week’s MVP was definitely Landon Brown, who spent his pre-performance video clip exchanging twitches with his father, and then absolutely killed Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition.”

Red-Headed Stepchildren: Crosby Loggins continued to put people to sleep (his dad’s snooze-tastic choice of Gavin DeGraw’s “I Don’t Wanna Be” didn’t help matters) and Lara Johnston sang “Respect” like a seventeen-year-old daughter of a Doobie Brother (which is to say badly).

Who Is Getting Disowned: Loggins and Lattanzi still have uphill battles, but Lil B. Sure’s horrifying version of “This Woman’s Work” (which Devlin introduced as a Maxwell song; he probably also thinks Chris Cornell wrote “Billy Jean”) made that Star Wars girl from the Idol auditions sound like Whitney Houston. It’s probably curtains for him.

[Photo: Getty]


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Comments

alexis | 4/11/2008, 5:59 pm EST

Lara’s performance of “Respect” was the best of the night. She definitely has the best voice and greatest potential. You really should give the girl more credit – she really stepped up her game

Sam | 4/11/2008, 10:13 pm EST

Wow, what were you thinking? Chloe’s performance was definitely not worthy of the “Baby Geniuses” category. It was a joke.

shameka | 4/12/2008, 1:26 am EST

clohe rocked!

Sam | 4/12/2008, 2:26 am EST

What the hell do you have against The Doobie Brothers and Lara Johnston. I notice you always pump up the mediocre talent and have something against this fine band that has proven the test of time and is still bringing great music to everyone. Now you pick on one of the most talented singers of our time.

buddah 55 | 4/12/2008, 3:25 am EST

Chloe rocked??? rocked what? She even knew she sucked.. Look at how she was behaving the whole time. Cried when she found out she made the cut cause she didn’t believe it.

Chloe sounds like my cat when someone steps on her tail and wont get off.. and to think they let go of Jesse for her.. OMG what were people thinking. I was floored and extreeeeemmmmeeellly disapointed.

Mike | 4/12/2008, 9:04 am EST

Of course you are going to take any cheap shot you can at the Doobie Brothers and by extention Lara Johnston. This is Rolling Stone after all. In 40 years this publication has never had an encouraging word about them.

Amy | 4/12/2008, 11:29 am EST

Lara has a very soulful voice! I think she is the best singer on the show!

Mike | 4/12/2008, 1:07 pm EST

This analysis is perhaps the worst in American history. The words “Lattanzi rebounded well” are indicative of a review completely devoid of objectivity. Loggins scores ranked in the top three each of the two nights and he was the only performer to garner two 9s from the judges the other night. Perhaps his Dad’s association with the Doobie Brothers (this loser seems obsessed with them) led to the ridiculous comments in the review. Lastly, it’s amazing to me that a tough guy wanna be (likely lavished with money and the soft life throughout the years) only to dress the part and yell his way through a song to garner a decent review from the pathetic Rolling Stone machine. Laughable.

Lyndsy | 4/12/2008, 4:11 pm EST

Lara is by far and above the most talented and elegant in the group.

erik | 4/12/2008, 4:39 pm EST

all these kids are mediocre singers at best. and lara completely butchered “respect”, basically shouting the whole thing off pitch. all she has going for her is her looks

Cathy McCormick | 4/12/2008, 4:44 pm EST

I suppose what you call “boring” equates to a serious musician with actual talent stuck amidst a sea of hopeless don’t-even-really-wannabes because there is nothing “boring” about Loggins. He’s the only one able to demonstrate actual musicianship and talent, including playing his own guitar. The kid is gold! And Chloe is a trainwreck.

stopthecradle | 4/12/2008, 6:22 pm EST

Chloe Lattanzi is the worst, and therefore must stay! If MTV Rock the Cradle wants to show us celebrity children singing, regardless of talent, then we will make them keep talentless celebrity children.

Chloe Lattanzi is a freak, and must win it all.

joe@stopthecradle

BBH | 4/12/2008, 6:44 pm EST

Crosby is the only talented one of the group. He actually sings “on key” while the rest were amazingly bad! In this competition, Crosby just needs to work the crowd a bit more. The talent is already there.
Thank God he has the sense to stay away from the rediculous look and arrogance of Snider. Crosby will make it no matter what. This competition is like a step down for him….

does it really matter | 4/12/2008, 9:08 pm EST

i can’t believe money got voted off. what is wrong with america? maybe she wasn’t the best but come on people. yes the sound a cat makes when you step on it’s tail. that sounds right. i like lucy and lara’s alright and the snyder kid too, but i refuse to watch the show in protest, plus i can’t stand to hear or see chloe. she’s a complete freak show. what happened to her face? was she born that way?

P funky monkey | 4/12/2008, 9:54 pm EST

Rolling Stone has always had something against the Doobie Brothers…which is utterly pathetic since the Doobie Brothers are really, really good. And in my opinion, harboring a grudge is just flat-out immature.
To Erik- Lara did NOT butcher Respect. She was not shouting, nor was she off-pitch. She was spot-on, perfectly on key. Just because she didn’t sound like Aretha doesn’t mean she was bad. Clearly you know nothing about singing.

KCM | 4/13/2008, 12:19 am EST

If this is a rock competition the only two that ‘rock’ in the slightest are Jesse and Crosby. Hammer’s daughter at least doesn’t make my ears bleed like the rest. If Chloe doesn’t get voted off next week there is no way I can watch the show, in fear I will hear her and then be completely deaf. I say Jesse rocks his only competition is Crosby, done deal.

Trevor | 4/13/2008, 6:23 pm EST

I love Lara!!!!! She has the most soulful and cool voice I have heard in awhile. I think she will be among Fergie and Christina soon.I think her voice and who she is as a performer is going to be out of control. She definitely reminds me of an early Britney.

Buford | 4/13/2008, 11:50 pm EST

Lara projects an element that seems to be missing among the contestants not to mention the critics. CLASS! She certainly has the chops to become one of the finest singers of her time. GET A CLUE!

James | 4/14/2008, 1:46 am EST

It seems many don’t like her but I think Chloe is the most original talent on the show.

Mandy | 4/16/2008, 11:43 pm EST

Lara has THE most natural talent of any of these kids. Stop knocking the Doobies, they are still together playing their asses off and everyone knows Rolling Stone has NEVER liked them. Anything Doobie has always been a joke to you. Don’t take it out on Lara, she is a great singer.

cradlewillrock | 4/17/2008, 12:59 pm EST

I think Lucy Walsh will do very well in the competition. Who do you think will end up being her toughest competitor.

Are They Born To Rock?
When Rockstars Raise You, Judges
Are The Least Of Your Concerns.
Rock The Cradle
10pm ET/PT MTV

Jack Hall | 4/17/2008, 4:05 pm EST

Lara’s the class of the field. Whether Rolling Stone likes the Doobie Brothers or not, is beside the point.
Lara has all the tools a singer needs to survive in the commercial
music business.
This is a singing contest, which some posters here are minimizing.
I hope the voters don’t turn this into some kind of a popularity contest and put “Lara” where she belongs. On top….
Jack..

R J P | 4/18/2008, 7:05 pm EST

Something is wrong with those judges.. who are they anyways?? They have no right to judge those kids on talent when they don’t have a clue on talent. I think Lil B sure and Landon Brown has the best vocals on the show.. However, i don’t think they are picking the best songs for their voices and its hurting them in this competition. None of those kids are terrible i just think they need a little bit more training.

wendy | 4/19/2008, 10:33 am EST

This show is pathetic! watched parts on the re run. what a corny show.

fayth | 4/23/2008, 3:01 pm EST

landon brown has the best voice no exceptions

fayth | 4/23/2008, 3:02 pm EST

and the girl below me needs to shut up

Barbara Temple | 4/25/2008, 11:34 am EST

I THINK ALTHOUGH LUCY AND CROSBY DID MUCH BETTER THIS WEEK, JESSE SNIDER DEFINITELY IS THE BEST, HANDS DOWN. HE ROCKS THE CRADLE
EVERY WEEK. COME ON LET’S BE REAL!!

andy | 4/28/2008, 12:45 am EST

hey jesse 1984 called and wants it act back —- why dont all you jesse fans get together with your members only jackets and parachute pants and bite the heads off of doves – i have seen it all before boring

TRASHWIRE.COM | 5/6/2008, 8:36 pm EST

Jesse Blaze Snider or Chloe Lattanzi will win this show. At least they’re entertaining. Crosby is talented, but boring.

Snider/L attanzi ‘08

-Alexis

Karen | 5/8/2008, 11:38 pm EST

This show has proven to me all that I hear about how people tend to vote for the worst “on purpose”. I was so shocked to see Jessie Money voted off first…. I was shocked that Chloe made it as far as she did… It is even harder to imagine that Crosby was the pick over Jesse Snyder– my goodness- Crosby is downright BORING. Yes- he can play guitar– that’s it.. Lucy was much better than him. The fact that Chloe made it further than Lucy is another example of how crazy this show was.

therockcritic | 5/9/2008, 1:12 am EST

honestly – these people were either less than avg. or terrible – that was the two categories. American idol this is not even a stepchild of. No range…only Jessie had the showmanship to win this – in a crowded field of bad singing. This show is extremely retarded.

Patti Petow | 5/10/2008, 12:16 am EST

Welp. Now that it’s all over and the winner has been chosen, I should send Rock and Roll Daily my resume, as I was certain that Crosby Loggins was the best musician, vocalist and song arranger of the bunch.

Rose | 5/10/2008, 10:11 pm EST

Rock N Roll Daily…are you kidding?
Rock the cradle went bankrupt?
I was afraid the judges (and America) would give in to the theatrics and tight abs…let’s see…cartwheels, tight leather pants…vs. talented singer/songwriter. I was so happy that Crosby won. Didn’t Jesse say the following on one of the episodes…”Crosby thinks it’s all about talent and the song”…UH…yeah, Jesse it kind of is! ROCK ON CROSBY

mk | 5/12/2008, 4:07 pm EST

HONESTLY the finalists should have been Jessie Snider, A’keiba, Lara J and Chloe (which i didn’t think at first but now see that she’s finally found her style) I don’t know what went wrong… A’keiba’s elimination was SOOOO WRONG!!! Apparently REAL talent isn’t enough anymore… SAD DAY FOR HUMANITY!!

Lynda | 5/17/2008, 3:40 am EST

I liked the show, watched it every week. I thought the kids were very talented. Crosby deserved the crown with his talent and amazing vocals. His record “We all go Home” is super!

N.A | 5/18/2008, 4:00 am EST

Will someone explain chloe’s face?? why does a young girl need so much BOTOX??

Mike H | 5/20/2008, 1:04 pm EST

I think it’s interesting that after the judges and voters went in a completely different direction than Kyle, no final article has been posted on this show. Each week – almost without an regard for reality – Kyle welcomed the looks of Jesse into his articles with open arms while artificially downgrading Crosby’s performance based on a lack of musical knowledge. Well, talent beat down looks and the musician came out on top – good work Crosby. Kenny must be proud!

Kim | 5/21/2008, 2:16 pm EST

All of you who actually watched all of this crap, should have your heads examined! It was not worth a second glance.

Kim | 5/21/2008, 2:16 pm EST

All of you who actually watched all of this crap, should have your heads examined! It was not worth a second glance.

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