Every week on The Salt-N-Pepa Show, two MCs from the late Eighties try to prove they don’t hate each other (and the rap game), while our Rock Reality Show Recaps attempt to prove we don’t resent VH1 for exploiting the heroes of our youth (again). Here’s our take on the third episode:

Thirty Minutes in Two Sentences: Like eighth graders on a field trip, Salt and Pepa go on a “wilderness” retreat to work on their trust and teamwork by scaling fifty-foot trees and hanging from wires. Their maternal life coach guides them through expressing their true feelings about each other and then forgiving until the tears are flowing and somewhere Oprah is jealous.

Disowning the Shoop: Salt makes it clear that she’s dead set against launching a second round of a Salt-N-Pepa business relationship. In a life-coach supervised “therapeutic” catfight, Salt tells Pep that her louder half was part of the reason she left the group, and Pep calls Salt a quitter. With a speech devolved somewhere from the “let’s just be friends” pit of monologues, Salt tells Pep that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and is trying to “move forward,” not back, even bringing up the possibility of becoming a minister. She asks if Pep will still love her if she chooses to not do business with her and Pep is reduced to tears.

Whatta Band: Salt asks for Pep’s forgiveness, admitting she was wrong to abandon the duo, and Pep forgives her, telling the cameras she was coming to terms with “Not Salt-N-Pepa, but Sandy and Cheryl.” For once, Pep gets to take the steering wheel when she guides a blindfolded Salt across a suspended log because “evidently [Salt] has some issues with control.” The life coach shouts one-liners like, “Isn’t it wonderful just for a moment to be higher than your problem?” Pete Doherty must have had the same life coach.

Pushin’ It Forward: The two leave the life-improvement prison with a seemingly better attitude. And even though Salt made it clear she has more than a few reservations about making another album, the duo are hitting up the studio in next week’s episode for what looks like a stormy songwriting session.

[Photo: Getty]