Every Week on CMT’s new reality show Gone Country, a motley mix of Nashville misfits try to make it big on the Chesney tip. We’ll be watching (and chuckling):

Thirty Minutes of Kentucky Fried Reality in Five Sentences: Bobby Brown’s sleepwalking/urination problems continue as our hopefuls learn to dress the part of a country stud, complete with rhinestone blazers, big leather boots and ridiculous hats. Dee Snider, who used to dress like a woman as a member of Twisted Sister, stamps his foot because he’s forced to “wear a jacket.” Next up, our contestants practice their ability to do press junkets. Brown unofficially wins this competition by prefacing an interview by announcing he hates interviews and that he won’t hesitate to go to the journalist’s house “ski-masked up.” Someone needs to inform Brown that this show is Gone Country and not Gone Compton.

The Honky-Tonkin’ Highlights: Any time you have Carnie Wilson referring to Bobby Brown’s genitalia as “a weapon,” you have a guaranteed highlight. Wilson and McCormick go to wake a slumbering Brown, but instead get an explicit eyeful of Brown (we assume he forgot to zip up after sleep-pissing on the ground). To quote Brown, “I got big feet. Big feet means I have big hands. One big body part leads to another. Marcia Brady saw my log cabin.” We’re officially traumatized.

The Grand Ol’ Finale: Of course, you can’t go country until you learn how to line dance. So that’s our final workshop of this very busy episode. Dancing to “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy),” Sisqo blows the pack away with his urbanization of the line dance, while Julio Iglesias Jr. continues to show his inability to adapt to the country lifestyle by first chastising his songwriters and then completely turning the line dance into a Sir Mix-A-Lot video. But the real MVP, at least for the television audience, is Dee “Two Left Feet” Snider, who completely taints twenty-plus years of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” with about thirty seconds of line-dancing footage. The episode finally ends with half the house getting upper respiratory infections and Snider moving his bed out of fear of Bobby Brown’s late-night pee breaks.