Last night’s American Idol auditions took place in Charleston, South Carolina, where the Southern heat made the hopefuls angrier and Paula Abdul slurrier. Simon Cowell seemed to have a harder time obeying the dictates of the show’s Campaign of Nice 2008, but he condoned the episode’s bizarre family values theme—girl preaches for abstinence (see below), contestant splits to have a baby. For the five best moments from last night’s episode, check out these quick clips:

5. For anyone who fears their angry waitress has spat in their food … introducing DeAnna Prevette.

4. He’s “pretty well known as one of the gurus” on the American Idol message boards.

3. Nobody told us Cee-Lo had a sister.

2. Simon praises Amy Davis’ speech on abstinence, but finds her singing annoying. Then he gets all Mean Girls and mocks her.

1. Aretha Codner fights back when Simon tells her off; Paula wants to know if she’s single.