Day two of the American Idol open-call phase featured more uber-kindness from the judges, and more singers who may be serial killers (the fingernail keeper, the breathing-exercises Bon Jovi guy—see below). The Dallas auditions brought a farmer and a frat boy, plus wannabe Carrie Underwoods (Jessica Brown), bizarro Kelly Clarksons (Beth Maddocks) and a dead ringer for James Van Der Beek (Colton Swon). But for the five best moments from last night’s episode, check out these quick clips:

5. Dude who admits he’s kinda married to his dad while he searches for a wife gives Ryan Seacrest an opportunity to assert he really likes women.

4. The feel-good story of the night: upbeat car-crash survivor Kayla Hatfield, whose so-so Janis Joplin impression and colorful top charms the judges.

3. Would anyone be surprised had Britney Spears taken a day out of her Starbucks and Rite Aid schedule to audition for Idol, y’all?

2. Douglas Davidson’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” is nearly as coherent as Richie Sambora’s Saturday Night Live intro.

1. Randy Jackson discovers guyliner … and then recommends it for Ryan Seacrest.

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