Every week on the new E! series “Father Hood,” Snoop Dogg takes you into the mundane shiznit of being both a family man and a potty-mouthed hip-hop icon. Here’s our Rock Reality Recap:

Thirty Minutes in Three Sentences: Snoop tries to convince his three kids that David Beckham is one of his boys, hoping to teach them to learn soccer. Meanwhile his wife, Boss Lady, bribes Snoop’s staff to stop feeding him fried chicken and other junk food while the skinniest rapper alive schemes ways to get the bird back in his belly (”Look how in shape I am. That’s what got me in shape — is chicken”). Oh, and Snoop Dogg’s eight-year-old daughter does a mean Borat impression.

Kin and Juice: Snoop’s oldest son tells his dad he’ll play soccer if Beckham plays with them, and his young sister says “Dad always says he knows someone and then he doesn’t.” Snoop first tries to fool his kids with some fake autographed jerseys and then gives his manager one day to find the Brit (”Call the Spice Girls, just get him on the line”). When Beckham finally shows up, Snoop seems to do most of the dribbling, crip-walking around the ball, referring to the goal as “my house,” and pulling a gladiator pimp strut shouting “Are you not entertained?” when he makes a free shot. And, apparently, his close relationship with the Williams sisters also helped his Wii Tennis game (”Venus and Serena, they told me you got to hold the racket”).

It’s a Doggy Dogg World: After Boss Lady’s decree, Snoop’s staff tries to find any way to give him some healthy dogg food without getting bitten. His manager shamelessly fakes bad reception when Snoop requests chicken from his favorite soul-food place and his other assistant suggest sushi (Snoop: “I don’t eat dead fish or whatever that shit is”). Snoop maintains that he’s the healthiest in the house with everyone else growing “sideways” and attempts to re-bribe his staff at a higher rate. But when Boss Lady shows up as the impromptu waitress at his favorite restaurant (we smell an enterprising production manager), the Dogg finally chows down on some greenery.

Snoopism of the Day: “It’s all ‘hood.” Apparently when “it’s all good” played out, Snoop rescued the feel-good slogan with “it’s all ‘hood.” It means everything is good, even when it’s bad, like when Boss Lady emasculates Snoop in front of his new friend Beckham by giving him “rabbit salad” instead of chicken wings, “it’s all ‘hood.” Next week the children make it rain in the living room while their dad attends the Hip Hop Honors.