
The producers of American Idol think they can find The Next Great American Band on TV (and no, they’re not talking about the next great Grand Funk Railroad). We think we can find some pleasure in this pursuit with our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our seventh report:
Sixty Great American Reality Minutes in Four Sentences: Tres Bien! and the exclamation point they rode in on are sent home. The remaining five bands spunk up the songs of Rod Stewart, but not without hesitation. Swing-dweebs Denver and the Mile High Orchestra out themselves as a Christian band, saying, “Since Rod Stewart is a sex symbol and some of the words he puts in his songs are a little risqué … some of the words didn’t quite go with our beliefs.” We hope the producers make everyone cover Slayer next week so these lameos just STFU and leave already.
Best Great American Band: Light Of Doom and Dot Dot Dot both did their best performances of the series … but could they make anyone cry? After proving they could bring the noise last week, the Clark Brothers do a haunting, austere version of “You’re In My Heart” that literally brings judge Sheila E. to tears! Holy shit, contest over! There was some genuine honesty and emotion packed into that room apparently, though you couldn’t tell it since the audience always insists on waving their arms like dopes. Rzeznick even got a little choked up, but don’t worry, the Fox network made damn sure that you wouldn’t accidentally empathize with him, by — no shit — running a creepy Terminator face on the screen as part of the promotion for The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Hasta la vista, sincerity!
Worst Great American Band: While Denver and crew stayed backstage praying for their eternal souls, early faves Sixwire did a rocked out version of “Hot Legs” that was almost completely free of their signature soul-twang. And they played an honest-to-God slap-bass solo — like, boopaloopadedoopabooooow — which the judges justifiably crucified them for. When the dude from the Goo Goo Dolls thinks your band is cheesy, you are so screwed!

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- Portions of Album Content Provided by All Music Guide © 2009 All Media Guide, LLC.