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Rock Reality Show Recap: Clark Brothers Bring Judge to Tears With Rod Stewart Tune on “The Next Great American Band”

12/3/07, 8:41 am EST


The producers of American Idol think they can find The Next Great American Band on TV (and no, they’re not talking about the next great Grand Funk Railroad). We think we can find some pleasure in this pursuit with our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our seventh report:

Sixty Great American Reality Minutes in Four Sentences: Tres Bien! and the exclamation point they rode in on are sent home. The remaining five bands spunk up the songs of Rod Stewart, but not without hesitation. Swing-dweebs Denver and the Mile High Orchestra out themselves as a Christian band, saying, “Since Rod Stewart is a sex symbol and some of the words he puts in his songs are a little risqué … some of the words didn’t quite go with our beliefs.” We hope the producers make everyone cover Slayer next week so these lameos just STFU and leave already.

Best Great American Band: Light Of Doom and Dot Dot Dot both did their best performances of the series … but could they make anyone cry? After proving they could bring the noise last week, the Clark Brothers do a haunting, austere version of “You’re In My Heart” that literally brings judge Sheila E. to tears! Holy shit, contest over! There was some genuine honesty and emotion packed into that room apparently, though you couldn’t tell it since the audience always insists on waving their arms like dopes. Rzeznick even got a little choked up, but don’t worry, the Fox network made damn sure that you wouldn’t accidentally empathize with him, by — no shit — running a creepy Terminator face on the screen as part of the promotion for The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Hasta la vista, sincerity!

Worst Great American Band: While Denver and crew stayed backstage praying for their eternal souls, early faves Sixwire did a rocked out version of “Hot Legs” that was almost completely free of their signature soul-twang. And they played an honest-to-God slap-bass solo — like, boopaloopadedoopabooooow — which the judges justifiably crucified them for. When the dude from the Goo Goo Dolls thinks your band is cheesy, you are so screwed!


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Comments

Ohmyachingbody | 12/3/2007, 10:20 am EST

I thought I was losing it when I was listening to “You’re in my Heart” and had tears streaming down my cheeks. Thanks Sheila E. for justifying my emotions! Clark Brothers are the “everything” I look and listen for!!

Reallynow. | 12/3/2007, 11:17 am EST

The Clark Brothers are so far above the rest of them. I didn’t break down in tears, but they are incredible.

josh | 12/3/2007, 3:21 pm EST

so.. denver gets made fun of for being a “christian” band… but the clark brothers… who have made been upfront about their christian background get rave revues?

i’m a huge fan of both bands… for not being afraid to just be a good band…. and for doing their best….

the clark brothers are by far the most “sincere” in terms of their performance…

and you might not like denver.. but quit being an ass about it.

you would have no prob if they were a buddhist band.

hello :) | 12/3/2007, 3:38 pm EST

I lovee the Clark brothers! Christians rock! lol. They are by FAR the best band on the show and i hope they win. I loved ” You’re in my Heart”

Johnny Kickass | 12/3/2007, 4:07 pm EST

I’m not religous myself, but it annoys me when Christians get mocked and slagged and it’s not considered a big deal.

You would never see a major publication mocking Jews or Muslims – no!, that would be considered ignorant and prejudiced!

It’s a hypocritical double standard. Everyone deserves to be mocked – Muslims and Jews included!

Tom Servo | 12/3/2007, 4:14 pm EST

It’s not just that DMHO are Xtians, but that they’re so smug about it. That and they suck.

Pen | 12/3/2007, 6:01 pm EST

…Ashley Clark was considering being a preacher at one point, and Sixwire’s original stuff is very religious.

I agree with the poster who said mocking Christians for their beliefs is ridiculous, wrong, and rude. And I’m ambivalent as all hell about the whole religion thing, but if it makes ‘em happy, well, whatever.

Rebecca | 12/3/2007, 9:20 pm EST

DMHO is soooo amazing. They had to cancel their Christmas tour to stay on the show. I bought tickets to it & am upset that they aren’t showing, but I am soooooooooooo happy that they have made it this far. Yes, I will admit, I am a Christian, & if anyone hates me for saying that I am or that Denver rules, then so be it. It just shows how little people actually know about the Christian lifestyle, how ignorant people truely are, & how fulfilling the Christian life really is.

Fuck Denver | 12/3/2007, 11:05 pm EST

I get the impression that DMHO are getting mocked b/c A)they’re a lightweight, big band-revival revival, bunch of no talent hacks and B)when you play the “Christian card” this late in the game you have to question sincerity. I smell something rotten and I think its a bunch of talentless assholes pandering for “Christian votes.” Plus, as has already been mentioned, they were totally smug about it. Clark Bros. have been honest and sincere about their faith and thus haven’t been dogged for it. Oh, and the Clark Bros. are about a bajillion times better than DMHO. DMHO had no right to make it to the round of 12, let alone the final 5.

un-christian | 12/4/2007, 10:59 am EST

hey johny kickass, ,,,,and most of us get just as annoyed by the constant mocking and slagging of anything NOT christian by theses so called church folks. Have you tried being gay in america recently?? Had an abortion? Mentioned the word evolution in school? These folks want it their way, all the way, every day. So much for not judging odthers.

WHY? | 12/4/2007, 3:32 pm EST

Opinions are one thing, but slander, I’m over it. The media in all its forms are critical to the promotion or awareness of any product. That’s why we read articles, watch the news, and have constructive dialog about what we are interested in. Mr. Weingarten, you have been honored with a position to do something positive, to promote, or at least share aspects of the industry to those who have a passion for music in all its form. At the very least, use a bit of optimism. Your critique on some of The Next Great American Band contestants were very bias and prejudice. Your depiction of their faith was and is uncalled for. Ands its true, never once are the Jews or Buddhist ever crucified in such a way. Maybe it’s that you believe that there is some truth to the “Buddhist” law posited that every action has repercussions or consequences of like kind at some future date.

It’s about the music, and the presence and integration of it in each of our lives. Spirituality has nothing to do with it other than ones lifestyle. Sometimes it’s weaved into the fabric of our talents or gifts. I am disappointed in your juvenile attempt to conduct a blog (for TNGAB) by spewing off adjectives that are not constructive. Seems you’re only attempting to get a rise out of your readers. When can we come to this site and expect more?

I hope one day, to see your name in a major publication, as I wish nothing but the best for you. But keep this up and the tabloids are as far as you’ll go. Unless that’s your goal, then so be it.

Congratulations to all the contestants for their drive and tenacity to make it in this crazy world of music, and hopefully they will positively effect the lives of those who listen to them.

Bollwerk | 12/5/2007, 7:34 pm EST

IMHO, people should keep their religious beliefs to themselves. The show is about bands playing music. I don’t care what their religious beliefs are.

kcnsd | 12/6/2007, 12:41 am EST

Christians should stop whining. They have been responsable for some of the worst discrimination and pursacution the world has ever known. So get over it! Having said that, I think the Clark brother’s are amazing, christian or not. I think the church upbringing has helped them to develop into amazingly emotional and intense musicians. I would listen to anything they played. I hope they win and go on to do amazing things. P.S. DMHO needs to go! They robbed Tres Bien!

Michael | 12/10/2007, 5:02 pm EST

Emotions are free
Reason is learned
Ego’s are lazy while
Honor is earned

Their talent is a gift and they understand from whom.

Fudgey | 12/14/2007, 10:15 pm EST

The Clark Brothers suck. They remind me of the Bacon Brothers… No one will ever buy their crappy CD, they will only be played on the radio station KPUSS, along with Clay Aiken and Creed.

Fairfax VA | 12/15/2007, 5:45 pm EST

These guys are amazing – I’m ready to buy tickets to their show.

bellehla | 12/19/2007, 10:14 am EST

second

Truth | 12/22/2007, 2:51 pm EST

It is unfortunate that Christian bands get hammered, but artists of differing faiths get a free pass. However, there is a reason for this. This reason is that whether we admit it or not, we have been created knowing who the Lord is. It is simply our rebellious spirit that pushes Him away.

kumita | 1/4/2008, 10:13 pm EST

when you sing fromyour gut,soul&heart it is music.

neo826 | 1/6/2008, 1:40 am EST

please explain to me why the lead singer of the clark brothers is singing and playing behind carrie underwood in a 07 episode of SNL.

clarkheart | 1/6/2008, 3:43 am EST

He used to be her fiddle player before they auditioned. I read it on their bio on the msn site. duh!

Heralmw | 2/20/2008, 4:19 pm EST

Herald forever!

Specna | 9/26/2008, 9:50 pm EST

respect

Specna | 9/26/2008, 9:50 pm EST

respect

Nepus | 9/27/2008, 8:02 am EST

respect

Nabe | 9/29/2008, 11:30 am EST

respect

Wernu | 10/1/2008, 1:45 am EST

respect

Korabl | 10/10/2008, 2:28 pm EST

If a man takes no thought about what is distant, he will find sorrow near at hand.
that right

Korabl | 10/10/2008, 2:28 pm EST

If a man takes no thought about what is distant, he will find sorrow near at hand.
that right

Celic | 10/23/2008, 1:16 am EST

It’s better to be an authentic loser than a false success, and to die alive than to live dead.

Brenda | 3/1/2009, 1:37 am EST

The Clark Brothers are what the music industry has been waiting for…

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