The producers of American Idol think they can find The Next Great American Band on TV (and no, they’re not talking about the next great Grand Funk Railroad). We think we can find some pleasure in this pursuit with our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our fifth report:

Sixty Great American Minutes In Six Sentences: The red states once again proved their inability to vote correctly on anything. Franklin Bridge, a band whose effortlessly cool blend of chops-heavy soul, funk and rock put them leagues ahead of any other band on this show (and most bands on MTV), was unceremoniously voted off. Even mod-rockers Tres Bien, who survived the vote, seemed completely stunned when their name was called. Sheila E. said, “America got it wrong,” and Tres Bien dedicated their song to “Franklin Bridge, the best band here.” Far be it for us to gauge American attitudes towards race by using a shitty reality-TV show as a microcosm, but yeah, it really sucks that people are tired of the thrilling band featuring an all African-American lineup, opting instead for snoozy bluegrass and hacky swing-revival. Man, we’d hate to be working on Obama’s campaign right now.

Best Great American Band: As the remaining seven bands plodded through the hits of Leiber and Stoller (that’s the “Jailhouse Rock” guys, you noobs), the Clark Brothers came out on top with a fiery cover of the gospel hit “Saved.” They can pretty much put steel-guitar shredding over anything and we’ll dig it.

Worst Great American Band: Denver the Last Dinosaur and the Green Mile Orchestra, or whatever that swing band monstrosity is called, turned “Ruby Baby” into dreary Robert Palmer-style pseudo-funk. John Rzeznik puts it bluntly, “I think your funk skills are really, really limited.” Dicko adds, “If I want to buy soul-funk, I’m gonna go buy Breakestra or Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings. I’m not gonna buy it from a bunch of super-straight white dudes in business casual.”

Second Worst Great American Band: Tweener retro-metal band Light of Doom, who did a version of “Jailhouse Rock.” Due to their age and inexperience, they somehow reach peaks of doofus-itude and ended up with a version of “Jailhouse Rock” even worse than the sublimely awful 1987 Mötley Crüe version. The judges loved ’em though, with Dicko claiming they’re “more and more watchable.”

Best Great American Coincidence: Sixwire does a cover of “I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near),” which — you total dumbasses! — isn’t even a Leiber And Stoller song! Michael McDonald co-wrote it in 1982, but the song was so heavily influenced by L&S’s 1960’s tune “I Keep Forgettin’” that they got a co-writing credit. You know, guys, it’s really a shame that Leiber And Stoller didn’t have an extremely influential, decades-spanning back catalog that you jokers could have pulled something from. Oh, the coincidence? Sixwire vocalist Andy Childs kind of looks like Michael McDonald.