The producers of American Idol think they can find The Next Great American Band on TV (and no, they’re not talking about the next great Grand Funk Railroad). We think we can find some pleasure in this pursuit with our Rock Reality Show Recaps. Here’s our fourth report:

Two Great American Reality Hours in Three Sentences: Occasionally tuneless Detroit garage-rockers the Muggs and always-tuneless gal-punx Rocket, two bands Dicko claimed were a victim of “death by lead singer,” were sent home. After last week’s catty diatribe by the Hatch (”I’d like to say that America has spoken … I think about 300 people in Nebraska have spoken”) neither band were allowed to say goodbye beyond a silent blown kiss and an uncomfortable fidget. The remaining eight bands (including all the country groups — shocking news about a show where Americans choose the results) covered Billy Joel. The complete lack of rap groups on the series makes our yearning for the inevitable hip-hop “We Didn’t Start the Fire” cover even more tangible.
Best Great American Band: While RS fave Franklin Bridge did a hard-rockin’ “Big Shot” that mirrored their winning twenty-ingredients-in-one-pot style (”Kickstart My Heart” whammy bar noise, slow soul, a little funk-metal, a reggae lilt, some dramatic “spirit finger” hand motions), they sadly took the judges’ advice from last week and dialed back their pyrotechnic drumming. The best band was actually the Clark Brothers, whose gorgeous, minimal and subdued version of “She’s Got a Way” was the only emotionally gripping cover of anything performed on the show to date. Dicko praised them for their conviction, the audience waved their arms like idiots.

Worst Great American Band: Bluegrass BBQ-ers Cliff Wagner And The Old #7 complained that Billy Joel isn’t really suited to their style of music, and did a twangy cover of “You May Be Right” that Dicko called “soporific, sleepy, kind of dreary.” But it was still better than swing-dorx Denver And The Mile High Orchestra doing a clinical, ickily faithful “Tell Her About It.” The sax player says Billy Joel’s 1993 release River of Dreams, easily one of the shittiest Billy Joel albums, set him on a path towards music. So go figure.

Least Convincing Great American Back-Pedaling: Dicko admonishes Sixwire, the country band who turns Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman” into a slightly Southern-fried Matchbox Twenty. “You rely on women for votes. You guys are the housewives’ choice,” says Dicko. “Why would you sing such a woman-hating tale of misogyny like that?” Says Andy of Sixwire: I” think it’s about celebrating all the different aspects of what women are.” Ladies, Sixwire and Billy Joel celebrate you: “She’ll carelessly cut you, And laugh while you’re bleedin’.”

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